We partied into the night, or at least until the time of day was officially almost over. The whole day leading up to it seems like almost a blur now except I did just remember. I told everyone I was not going to be able to visit or be social until I’d gotten through the morning cross country races. Dad and the boys were in Williamsville and Ethan was running his cross country meet in Ashland, Nebraska. I knew this was supposed to be his final cross country meet for his college career.

I guess this entire time he had been trying to make conference. In order to do that you need to be in the top ten. He finished 11th again after beating out one of the regular top ten runners. But one of the teammates who has been battling with an injury this year did really well after several races of dying out. He finished even before Vaughn and so that put Ethan back at 11. I don’t think he is seeing how much of an accomplishment this is after so many times of finishing in such other places.

So coach told him that it was between him and another guy for alternate and he went with the other guy because the other one has consistently scored in the top ten the whole season. To me I think this is great, but…anyway the boys did well at regionals and advanced to sectionals next weekend. Both of the boys had PR’s, one by 13 seconds and the other by almost 40. They again finished very close together, this time being only four tenths of a second apart. Elianna and I watched both races.

I haven’t traveled enough to know if there is such a thing as fancy hotels. It seems like hotels are one of those things that either end up exceeding my expectations or completely missing the mark with them. The ones that exceed my expectations are ones like the one we stayed in a few weeks ago when all we needed was a place to crash for the night. It was a very expensive but comfortable 12-hour stay. And then you have times where you’re supposed to be hanging out for two days.

We’re on the tenth floor of a hotel where the only working elevator is a small service elevator off to the side somewhere. The stairwells are dark and metallic, but I have made two trips down and one trip up so far. The room that was 87 degrees when we walked in has made its way down to 75. I think your body just gets used to the heat after a while because it feels so hot when you first walk in and then it’s like you hardly even notice it. They did at least get the air conditioning working.

We had my sister’s rehearsal dinner tonight. Elianna and I came up while Josh and the boys stayed behind. They have their regional meet tomorrow and are hoping to make sectionals. I miss them and wish that either they were up here or that I was with them. I’m sore and tired tonight so do not have much to put toward being downstairs. I’m sure I’m not the only one I just feel like I need to go to bed. I could pray for the weekend and for God to bless everyone and everyone’s time here.

I came home from our meeting the other day and lo and behold the kitten from the summer was sitting in front of our house. We haven’t seen him (her?) for close to two and a half months since camp ended and then he was just there. I stayed in the van and took a picture of him and then recorded him making his way from the corner by the woods toward the other side of the house where I imagine he was heading toward the food. I sent the video out to everybody instantly.

Before he could get to the food another cat scared him away and he ran back into the woods. I haven’t seen him since but none of us could believe he was still around. I had a talk with my Hope director this afternoon and told her that I was basically fairly sure that I was needing to leave there. I said the best way I could describe it was that I had a head reason and a heart reason. Conversations like this are never easy to have. It wasn’t an official notice it was just letting her know where I was at.

I’m really upset about it but I also feel peace. I am also wanting to fully let go of my nursing job. I was trying to hold onto it and wanted to make it work but I just have too many other things that I am wanting and trying to do, and I don’t need it anymore. I made it to my five year mark which is something that I wanted. I will keep up my nursing license but I do not have a desire to do that job anymore. I’ve been enjoying the cooler weather and bright blue skies which come this time of year.

I think I’ve started making my exit plan for leaving Hope. If someone asked me now, I’d say the biggest reason is because I am not built to cycle through that many people. I have met some really great ones who I think would come over with me to my other place. But three and a half days of doing this is not sustainable the way it’s going. I could work half the time and make just as much money, or I could at some point if I wanted work the same amount of time for twice the money.

This hasn’t been a total waste. Like I said, I’ve met some really great clients and built good relationships with those people. I’ve seen relationships improve and become more steady and stable. Whatever the issue was with my original NPI number uncovered a whole slew of other issues that they’ve been working for months to get straightened out. I’ve met some really neat coworkers which I think is going to be the hardest part about leaving there. I don’t want to try to do both.

So I think I’m going to tell them I’m going to be done at the end of the year. I know I’m fickle and change my mind about things but I feel pretty sure I want to do this. I want more time to be at home, to not be tired, to be able to spread my time out more to go on walks or be involved more at church or with kids or with grandkids. Right now I’ve been using a certain office at the other place but I’m considering asking if I can have the other student office with the window. I’d like the light.

Today was a really nice day. We heard from Ethan and Laura that Lila had her first day of school. They pushed her in the stroller from their apartment to the campus. Laura had a few friends sit with her outside of the classroom to be in charge of tending to her if she needed something. She slept most of the time and I imagine them pushing her around the school building with her in her stroller but I don’t know that for sure. I’m glad they are making it work so they can keep going to school.

The boys had a meet this afternoon at the new school property. People keep asking about when they are going to rebuild. I tell them that the insurance coverage was no different or more than the insurance amount that is designated for a house. So some people have this happen with the mine subsidence and they get a brand new house with enough money to pay it off and have more leftover. Our school received their $750,000 insurance reimbursement which is not enough to build a new school or pay off the still outstanding mortgage of the school that no longer exists.

So I never really sound that optimistic when I talk about it. But anyway, the boys had their conference meet and won conference. My two boys finished within a second of each other which made me tear up because I don’t like when one is doggedly trying to beat the other. I wish they could just let each other win and be happy for each other which for the most part they are with the happy part. With my own issues I decided I wasn’t going to be upset and just be happy that we were okay now.