We woke up in Seward after driving to Nebraska after the meet to see Laura and Lila. It’d been three whole weeks since we’d seen her and she had doubled in age. She doesn’t fit on my lap anymore to do the lap photos I was doing at first. We hung out in the evening at Ethan and Laura’s apartment. We’d had sandwiches in the car after stopping by Hyvee and buying some supplies. I’d made a Walmart order the day before so we picked up that to have the ingredients to make supper.

It didn’t feel like I saw Lila that much. I held her while everyone ate and then switched for eating and clean up. Everyone was tired so we didn’t stay too long past 8. Something I remember is how important it is to have that nuclear family time. When I want to help Laura and do things for her this is one of the things I am able to do. Extended family time is good but you also need that time to connect especially after the stretch of a long day.

Dad, the boys, and I went back to the motel room. I don’t even remember what we did, if there was a baseball game on, I know some people went out and walked. I’m pretty sure I went to bed. This time we had a couch so there enough beds for everyone. It was still the same lady checking us in and making us breakfast in the morning. Last time when I stayed there she was opening the rooms and clearing out garbage. I almost wish that I could help her and have a little business like this.

If it wasn’t so far away I would do it. We went to early service and sat in the left back pews like last time. The choir wasn’t singing so it wasn’t nearly as crowded. Ethan and Laura found us and Lila was awake in her infant seat. Laura asked if I wanted to hold her since she was awake. I definitely did. She was awake but kind of fussy so I took her out to the back of the church and into the hallway and common areas. She has this grumpy face when she’s tired and uncomfortable but still looking around.

So I got to spend more time with her then and it made it feel like I had gotten my time with her. It was the time we needed to get acquainted and make some memories. I wrapped her up in her blanket and experimented with different ways of holding her. Laura had said it was okay to take her out. She liked to be walking more than sitting but once she was officially asleep it was okay to go in and sit back down with her. We sang a song in church and I listened to them sing and it was beautiful.

Today was a very long day after a very long day the before of driving. Ethan had a meet in Sioux Center Iowa. It took about 8 hours before you counted the various stops. We left around noon since once of the boys had to go to school for a work day he couldn’t skip. It was a long day of crossing states and zig zagging up to the town. We managed to find a room with two queen beds which meant one of the boys had to volunteer to sleep on the floor. Everyone went to bed fairly early.

I told the boys it wasn’t an official road trip unless you’re scrounging and getting by at some point. So we brought our homemade sandwiches using the camp leftovers from the various meals they’d had that week. For supper we ordered Casey’s pizza and picked it up long enough to use the bathroom, buy napkins, and get back into the car. So that was actually not too bad and it’s a break from the money spending on fast food. The next morning we ate from the hotel breakfast.

The races were divided into a Gold division and Black division. The Gold race has the top ten runners from each team and the Black division race had everybody else. It keeps the course from becoming too crowded. Ethan had a strategy to not use his watch and just try to keep up with the front place runners from his team. He ended up getting first on his team out of almost twenty runners. It was the fastest time and highest place he’s ever had so that was special to be able to see.

I’ve been doing some premarital counseling with my brother-in-law and sister. We’ve been meeting on Thursday evenings and wrapping up our time as as things get closer to the wedding. So far among other things mixed in there, we have talked about personality differences and how they are a thing to be appreciated and not despised, daily connecting rituals of greeting/departing/talking, how to come to a person when you feel they have hurt you, conjugal rights, and the actual wedding vows.

She pulled up the paper with the wedding vows they would be using. We read through them. They were slightly different than the ones we use in our Lutheran Service Book hymnal. I don’t even remember now what they all were but the man’s section, in his unique portion of the vow statement, had two verbs that he was promising to do. The woman had four, including the words protect and obey. I didn’t like any of this. So I went and got our hymnal and texted her the service.

There the words were a little different. The man had two verbs which were nourish and cherish. The woman had one which was submit. I mean, I felt like we could work with it since those were are at least in the Bible. It sounds like I was being demanding and difficult but I really wasn’t. The rest of the words in the hymnal were the same for both people. To love, honor, and keep, Forsaking all others, Remain united to him/her alone. To me I feel like the process is truly inspiring and romantic.

Judah had his girl friend over this evening. After practice the boys met her in Sherman where they were meeting at an animal hospital. Her dad is a veterinarian and according to my son they live in an enormous house. I had to work in the afternoon, so while I was gone the kids who were home straightened up some things in the house. I do want to make an impression, but having an above averagely well-kept home is not the way I’m going to make it. I did re-tidy the upstairs bathroom.

It was later confirmed in the evening that this is now an official girlfriend. She’s very cute and I can see why my son is liking her. The other night I was sharing some mom thoughts that were met with rebuttal and contention from the other kids. All I had said to him was that the more attached you get to a person the more it hurts when it doesn’t work out. He has had some heartbreak before so I know he isn’t completely unaware. But several of them thought I shouldn’t have said that.

They were cute getting their pictures taken. Ellie and her mom had looked up different poses they could use for the second shoot. When Ethan took a girl for the first time I remember during the photos he was looking around confused and didn’t know what to do with his hands while standing next to her. I told him that it was okay to put his arm around her on her waist so he did. The girl’s mom looked at me and told me good job for saying that. A similar situation happened with this one.

Instead of looking around in silence he said out loud to everyone, he just kept asking, “What do I do with my hands?” I never told him to put his arm around her. One time, after a minor pause, her mom told him to go ahead and put his hand on the bridge rail where they were posing. I almost said it multiple times but for whatever reason I held back. These things would work themselves out and they did, with different pictures from the last ones. Laura commented they looked like experts now.

I had photo bombed the family chat for the second time with all the pictures. So anyway, the evening was nice. For a while they played catch in the athletic field with the other kids and Zorro. Dad and I walked along the lane and yes it felt like one of those moments when all is right. Dad made a campfire in the backyard so for a while everyone was in the backyard sitting and talking by the fire. It felt like one of those times where I really needed to be engaged and more fully present.

I tried to write you a letter
but this time stopped
So familiar with the heaviness
and futility
of forcing myself to be more

Rob Thomas sings to me
and I know you’re so tired
of all these men
winning me over with their
winning smiles and dark sides

Your lawn mower music
Tom Petty and Bruce Springstein
were okay, but the Guns
and Roses made me realize
how incompatible we were

The Christian music
you never listened to
were the songs that spoke
to my Spirit and freed me up
to worship freely with passion

With the adoration and love
you so wished was yours
You and me both
So immature and turning
every day into better champions