Lately when I see Ghost sleeping I feel like I need to check and see if he’s still breathing. We’ve had a few normal stretches of mild spring weather where he lived outside again for those times. But he seems to like it in here now, and it was hotter and more humid again today. My heart has completely changed toward Ghost. When he first came around I was grossed out with how terrible and beat up he looked. He’d been living in the dumpster after his owners moved away but didn’t end up taking him with.
His original name was Morris. We learned all this when his former owner stopped by the house one day. I don’t remember why he was there, and he didn’t take Ghost with him, but he did give us more background into his history. Even when we first adopted him as an outside cat, I wasn’t overly affectionate with him because I didn’t like when he would sneeze without warning. Over time, however, he started to grow on me, and became a familiar face on the front picnic table where we do summer camp check-ins.
The first group of campers comes in tomorrow night. I think I feel at peace about camp starting now. The thing about our son being away for most of the summer was something that was on my mind so much, I felt like I needed to talk with him. We ended up having a few moments together where I was able to share some of my feelings, tell him that I’ll never feel like I had enough time, and that I was sorry for wasting the time that I had. I was crying pretty hard trying to tell him all this, not knowing what he thought.
I’m having to grow to be secure even when it comes to parenting my own son, as I’ve often let stereotypes guide me instead of love, whether it’s stereotypes about mothers or stereotypes about men. The facts are that love unapologetically includes times of intimate tenderness. He said the funny thing about all this is that he was right next door, which did make me shake my head and laugh. I pulled him in tighter and told him I loved him so much and started crying again. I left knowing I had been loved in return.
We had a nice Memorial Day weekend. The Sunday dinner went well and we were blessed with good weather. Yesterday evening we enjoyed spending the evening around the campfire with another couple. She used to work with us at camp, and he is pastor in the district who we’ve known through his extended family. Today we had a family friend from Hoyleton come visit. She’s the one who used to come over and watch the kids while I went to the store. Tonight I’m thankful for the joys of family and friends.