I didn’t sleep much last night. Josh had reset his alarm for an earlier time so I could wake up and get started on finishing my paper. I ended up waking up several hours before the alarm and went ahead and got up. I asked if it would bother him if I was typing in our room. We have so many windows around that the living room is creepier in the middle of the night.

He said that was fine. I typed for a little bit on our floor but eventually moved into the living room after needing to change positions. Before I left I changed his alarm back to what he’d originally set it for. He left in the morning to spend some time with his dad at the hospital. After printing things out I left for class a little after 11 and told the kids dad would be back again soon.

After class I met dad and the kids at Jeremiah’s visitation. The older kids stayed there the whole time with Josh and after we had visited with others for a while the boys and I left to pick up some grocery items from the store. We ate supper together and afterward dad packed the van. The coach sent a text saying they were praying for everyone and for safe travels.

Ethan and I went out for supper yesterday evening. One of the things that happens in times like this is I start wanting to pass down every single piece of sage advice and life lesson I can think of. Before he went to high school I told Josh he needed to take him out and have whatever kind of talk he needed to have before then. I never asked what they ended up talking about.

So this time I figured it was my turn to say whatever it was I thought needed to be said. I thought I’d make up for all the things I never said or wished I’d taken more time to say over the course of the past four years. But I didn’t really end up doing that. We watched videos on my phone from another mom from when one of their friend groups had made a short movie for school

After that we drove to the park in Sherman. He asked what we were doing and I said, “I feel like…” and that was all I could manage. A few minutes later I tried again saying, “I just feel like this is basically the last…” And eventually I was able to say a few more things. We walked down the sidewalks and sat for a while on one of the benches by the pond. Then we came home.