I don’t know what it is about this one teacher that makes me feel like she can just stab at my heart for some reason. For the past several days I’ve been staying mostly in bed, waiting for my body to recover from the month. Parts of Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, and today I’ve just been here wondering whether or not I should try to go to class. We’re supposed to watch a movie tonight and then write one of our three reflection papers on it.

So I told her that I wasn’t sick or contagious, but that I’d been feeling very run down and tired for the past several days. I debating whether or not to come to class and was wondering if I’d be able to make up the class work or access the movie from home. She said there is one copy of it in the library but another student who will be missing class for being out of town will also be trying to check it out. It’s an educational video that isn’t online anywhere. So it seemed, she said, like it would be up to me to decide on how I was feeling and whether or not I felt like I could get a hold of the movie. And I debated whether or not to even send the email in the first place. Because if it ended up going like this, then I’d just told her something more personal about myself.

It’s not like she’s not nice. But for whatever reason interactions with her can produce that sharp and sudden piercing of the heart feeling. And really I’m just tired of dealing with this and it being something that I don’t even know how to begin to explain to other people. I’m sure professors have their days when they are run down and more tired as well, and what are they supposed to do? Just not show up? I told her thank you and that I’d plan on being there.