The three older kids are at the Christmas dance this evening. We hosted supper again for the pre-dance meal. It was Elianna and Maddy, plus their two dates, Miles and Matt. In addition was Micah, who is also Maddy’s brother. Their parents are sadly no longer together, but the kids have stayed friends and have been friends since they were very little. Ethan also went along, technically taken by Miles. Matt and Ethan are both post-high school and worked at camp together last summer. They are also close friends.

At least I did not cry when they all left this time. My mother-in-law was also here for supper and joined my husband and I at the adults table in the living room–the younger boys ate with the others. Once the kids left we cleaned up the table and dishes. I did not do most of the cooking. Usually Josh does the meat and I do the sides, but he did everything this time. While he was food prepping I was giving the boys hair cuts. I know marriage is not about keeping score, but it’s still strange to me how much I’m not doing.

I was talking about this earlier with another wife and mother. She asked if there was anything she could send along, having sometimes sent along rolls and a dessert. I said we had everything and were good. Josh was getting ready to go to the store and I asked what the roll brand was she usually gets (food allergy friendly). And then she just insisted that rolls and dessert were coming along, thanks to her husband who was about to take a trip to the store and would make the dessert. And then I wondered.

Is this a special phase in marriage where husbands take over significant amounts of cooking responsibilities and complete almost 100% of the Christmas shopping? She hadn’t bought yet a single gift either. Her vacation planning and recovery had taken all of her brain cells. Women joke about the brain cells things but do men do this ever? Have we burned through more with the years of worry and birthing and multi-tasking? Or is this just one of those ways we are different? Manifesting as the weaker vessels?

She too had a similar health breakdown following the year her sister was murdered. Strange neurological symptoms including drooping and numbness in the face. The doctor said it was likely due to a virus though he did prescribe an anti-biotic that helped for the sores that had broken out on her skull. She had to quit all kinds of things and couldn’t do much for almost a year. She did go to counseling and started slowly getting better. In stressful times the face symptoms come back. Either way we were grateful.