I’ve currently lost my voice for the time being. My daughter came into our room this morning and said something about going out. I went to say something back and was as surprised as she when not much came out. She said I sounded awful and asked if I wanted some tea. I said yes and she brought me some. My throat has been sore and scratchy on and off for about a week but hasn’t really felt bad enough to be called sick.

Josh and the kids are at my in-laws house again tonight. We’re going on the third holiday season in a row where I have not been able to participate as much and keep up with the family rhythms. Twenty years into marriage and I like to think we’re past the mundane issues of navigating family time during the holidays, and honestly I think we’ve had it generally easy in that regard. When we couldn’t travel they would travel to us. And since we’ve been closer we are able to travel almost nightly through the holiday. It’s what has worked.

My sister-in-law’s family only visits twice a year and so I understand the idea of wanting to maximize time together and enjoying time spent with everyone under one roof. I just am not able to keep up with that pace anymore, and also do enjoy having down time where we simply stay home without plans to go out. The further the night goes the more sick I am feeling and there just isn’t the same push through potential as before.

All that to say, sometimes you have to have those more redefining conversations in order to work to start to forge a new normal. I have felt in some sense like I have needed to break away from my family and have more room for my whole self to grow and develop. I speak as if it was a choice but I don’t really think it was my own doing that did this. It also hasn’t always been a clean or comfortable break. But now I feel it’s time we need to integrate this new way of being into our life, into something that isn’t me going without the family.

That is, something we’re not coping with until things get better. But rather, something that has altered our lives in a way that has called us to be better. I think it’s one of the keys to health and happiness in marriage in being able to be flexible and grow with the times. Where sometimes you go without for the betterment of all, and sometimes the all rallies around the one who needs it. But all in the spirit that love has no bounds.