Today was a crazy day at work. It by no means was as bad as it could have been, but the build up of little things here and there, and then getting pulled into a patient room unexpectedly when no one else was around to help her which set me back a full 45 minutes, I had a moment where I had to go into the med room, shut the door, and dry my tears. It’s the first time I’ve cried since being back.

It’s hard because we don’t really have time to talk much during the shift. Even just, “Hey, you’re doing fine” would give me some peace and reassurance. The girl I’ve been training with isn’t exactly the warmest, but I still like her, and like I think I said before, competence makes up for lack of warmth in nursing. I would not say it goes the other way around though.

Warmth can go a long way, but that itself isn’t enough. I remember two C words I came up with when I was first starting out that summarized what I wanted to strive for: Competence and Compassion. At some point later in my stay-at-home mom years I came up with a third that I thought was fitting, though I cannot remember now what the third C was. From God I’m needing extra measures.

It helps that the boys come home at noon. I’d asked my husband if he misses me while I’m at work, not in that annoying way, but just in a curious, “Oh yeah, this is different for you too, what’s it like?” sort of way. He said its’ not like he’s crying about it or anything, but that yeah, he likes having me around. I took a walk after work and thought about how much I love being home.

The past two weeks I’ve been training on REACH. I still really like it though I’ve been slightly discouraged that I’m still also in the middle of the training process and likely will be for another while yet. I’d rather have it this way then be thrown into things before I am ready. But I do get frustrated with myself sometimes, that I have to be dependent on asking this other nurse for help, thinking that I’m bothering her, or wondering how much farther along I’d be if I’d kept on doing this since the beginning.

But those are only minor thoughts. Some of the geese flew back this afternoon while I was walking. I admittedly wasn’t expecting them back this early, I figured it’d be more in the middle of the month. But anyhow there were a bunch of them. The past three days I’ve walked for over an hour straight which is the most I’ve intentionally walked in over three years. It’s quite the miracle.