My sister-in-law and her family are moving to St. Louis sometime this summer. The synod job I mentioned at one point didn’t end up being something she wanted. In the past three years she has probably had at least ten calls. Maybe right about that many, including one to come and be principal at one of the grade schools here. She ended up taking one at an early childhood center with a bigger church in Des Peres.

I feel sad we never made it down there to visit more often. It was one of those things where their free times for travel were always during the times when we had to be here. And then when we did travel we would either go down to Florida or over to New York. As far as I know we’re still planning on going on this South Dakota trip at the end of the summer. I’ve been thinking about this mountain we’re supposed to climb.

I wasn’t going to try to really worry about doing it, but I was thinking I could maybe make some goals like walking three miles a day. I checked my phone where I see my step counts and I’ve averaged 1.8 miles daily over the past half year. I really can’t tell how much is simply being out of shape and how much is something I can’t break through because it’s not going to get better. When I walk up hills I feel very heavy.

It’s hard for me to stay motivated with exercise when I don’t experience the kind of results I want fast enough. The yoga I can do because I feel results with it. I wish I could ask God, “Could I look better than this, or is this just it now?” I’m not content here though, and I do think I could make an effort to be more consistent with something, even as the routine will get thrown off here and there with other things going on.

It’s not even about looks at this point, it’s about comfort. It’s uncomfortable carrying extra weight and wearing pants in the summer. Your breathing is different. Sitting down is different. Diet is not the main thing going on, it’s the yo-yo effect of feeling good and okay some days and completely not on others. I don’t know what the answer is but I also know it’s okay to go slow and take your time. It’s the only answer I have right now.