I was in bed already when he came into his side. He keeps a book on his nightstand, several of them, but usually only one is he reading at a time. In bed does not necessarily mean that I am asleep. “Are you going to be mad at me”, he asked, “if I read for a little while?” It was a straightforward question. “No”, I said, kind of endeared by his asking, “I only get mad when you don’t pay attention to me”, and soon I was out.

And in the morning, the topic of attention must’ve still been on my mind. “I have a theory to run by you”, I said, “whenever it’s a good time”. I was stretched out in some position on the living room floor. He was in the dining room. “Give me a minute”, he responded, finishing up a prayer or reading. This is one of those things they taught us to do. For the “Safe Conversations”, you start out by asking, “Is this a good time?”

That way you’re not just barging into another person’s train of thought. It shows that you’ve noticed, “Oh, you’re doing something”. It gives the other person a chance to know what to expect, to adjust where needed, or name a better time, and to ultimately meet the other person in a state more suited for listening. What do I mean by attention? I mean when the person is in the room you show them again that you love.