Yesterday I walked out of my evening shift almost giddy. I have avoided the word “love” when talking about this job because it has felt too soon to say something so committed. But in that moment if I’d have had a feelings scanner that measures raw feelings it would’ve shown up saying, “Oh my gosh, I love this”. Part of it I think was just hanging out with a nurse for four hours so in some ways it was kind of like having a friend.

The night before was a completely different story. I didn’t learn any of the things that I’d thought out ahead of time to ask and learn. The nurse was having a terrible night work-wise and personally. I guess there are men out there who can be 50-something and are calling their girlfriends because he’s hungry and can’t find the remote. It didn’t matter how many times she told him to stop calling or that she was very busy right now.

I actually texted my husband and asked him to pray because I was scared. There was another one who was calling her who was also a grown man and also related. A mind reader throughout the night would’ve seen something like, “You have got to be kidding me. Not normal, again.” I felt bad for the nurse and she felt bad for me and I just was like, listen, it’s okay, are you okay? I mean, I wanted to learn but people are important.

So that was completely screwy. I did get to do a bladder scan which I’d never done before or even knew such a thing existed. It’s basically like a portable ultra-sound machine that you roll into their room and put the gel on their lower abdomen and then follow the directions so you can see if they’re retaining urine after going. I also finally learned how to load up the nighttime tube feeding into the pump and then program it.

We always just did it by gravity. They still do it that way but the pumps are for people who really do not eat much or at all by mouth. They had those before I’m sure, I just don’t remember ever having had a patient (as a nurse) with one or setting one up myself…and now I’m starting to get that nervous, doubting feeling again. I hate it when I get so excited like this. I think I ended up liking it but hopefully it was the right box.