I’m not sure how long a person is supposed to struggle before they reach the point where they’ve done all they can. If there is a timeframe, or a limit, it does truly feel as though I have met it. Last month I wrote, “But somehow the rope keeps getting extended every single time I come to the end of it.” Now I am just sitting at the end of the rope wondering what I’m supposed to do and where I’m supposed to go now.

This isn’t any one person’s fault. I am guilty and have done my share of the damage. I have toxic traits that continue to this day. But something else has grown in me, even more than a fighting spirit or a weak and defeated one. It’s a peace to acknowledge the truth, and not just acknowledge it, but to live and breathe and also walk in it.

I have never lived apart from the life that I have known, and I think that is in part what has added to my struggle and what has taken me so long. Plus, eases I’ve enjoyed I’ve not wanted to give up. I still don’t. And honestly now I do not know if I can, so much have our lives become so intertwined, and so much have I formed myself to and been formed by this life. I’ve been known to say a lot of things, it’s the actions that get me.