Well it wasn’t a med error, at least I don’t think so. I went in, got report, washed my hands, walked around, and worked up the nerve to open the orders and read what it said. It was ordered to be given monthly on the fourth Saturday of the month at 2000. I breathed a sigh of relief but that didn’t explain why the vial package label said once weekly on Mondays. I did not call pharmacy to get the story from their side.

You’re not supposed to alter pharmacy labels so I put a sticky note on the bag with the other instructions. Now I’m looking at my phone seeing that Saturday was the fifth Saturday, not the fourth, except I’m almost positive the order said to be given on the 29th which was why I was so relieved. This really is just crazy now, so I’m not going to go there and I’m letting this go. The shot did not pop up again Sunday night which means it wasn’t a reminder.

One woman asked if she should be evacuating. She said she was making plans with her husband except her husband has been dead for many years. I thought maybe she’d been hearing things about the hurricane except she can’t really hear and her TV is always turned on to movies or music. The two spouses whose significant others suffered strokes were there as almost always to feed their loved ones.

Many of the spouses live close by or in the independent living sections. One man comes and sits with his wife everyday. My husband is a cousin to his wife, first cousin once removed is what we officially found out after he looked it up to be sure. Illinois lost after whatever Big Ten game they were playing the day before. I could hear Trinity’s service replaying on the TV and he said to tell my husband he was a superstar now. We talked about the sermon.

The boys and I had the most boring day in social studies. After about ten pages we couldn’t get through the words without laughing about them. It’s like that sometimes, where you just have to get through the dates and the names. One kept pronouncing Plymouth the way it looks like you’d say it: Ply-Mouth. They thought I wouldn’t notice if we missed it today, which is very understandable, but I definitely always do.

On the way home from work I was struck with the thought, “Was that B12 shot supposed to be given today?”. And now this shot has been in my head ever since. My thought process in the moment went something like that like this:

“Oh crap, an IM shot.” IM means intramuscular. This has popped up only one other time that I remember and for some reason did not end up giving it. I dug around in his drawer and found the bag with the vial. I opened the bag and saw the instructions. “Gdksh sldhd ei shd on Mondays“. My next thought was not “Oh wait, that’s weird. It says Monday but today is Saturday. I better double check and see more what’s going on…” Instead I thought, “Oh wait, that’s weird. It says Monday but today is Saturday. I guess the days must’ve been switched, since it popped up on the MAR.”

And the MAR instructions are fuzzy too. I cannot tell you what I read other than something like Give slkd skdht edhel once weekly starting 09/dk/24. “Oh”, I thought when I saw the date, “this is something new since the last time I was here.”

The supervisor walked up while I was standing at the cart. She was checking on the halls to see how people were doing. “Good”, I said, “and also…” I’m looking in the med cart’s top shelf where the insulin needles are. I’m simultaneously trying to ask for help while demonstrating that I’m not completely incompetent or just wanting her to do it all. There’s a hall supply room where the needles might be…I check there first, but they weren’t in there. She actually had to take me to the main supply room to a locked cabinet where the 3cc needles are kept. I didn’t even know that existed.

I guess at the key. It’s got to be one of the little ones as she’s standing right next to me. I sound like I’m nervous and overthinking but I’m really just glad she’s there and can show me these things. We get the B12 liquid drawn up and she leaves.

I’ve given IM shots before. In school we had to do a flu shot clinic where we spent the whole day standing at a table giving strangers their shots. They came in with hope that these things would better keep them safe from some illness, and lifted up their sleeves in full faith that the person holding the needle was safe to be doing so. There have been other times here and there but I don’t like them because the needles are so long. It’s not bad when someone has a thick enough arm but not everyone does. This man still had muscle you could feel and I was impressed by it’s size.

But if he wasn’t supposed to get it until Monday then we have a problem. There was not even anything else going on. There was the woman in the slowly dying phase, but the night was calm, thank the Lord. If that was error #3 then I’m quitting.

The meet went well this morning. The girls ran better than the last race we had here. It wasn’t as hot, or hot at all. The sun came out after a cloudy start and a rainy night. Dad took Elianna ahead of time and I came later with the boys before her race. A van pulled out of his parking spot behind a bus and we thanked the Lord for a parking spot. There probably five times as many cars and busses.

We found our school people. Grandma was there set up in her chair. I brought chairs this time too since we’d be there longer. We usually stay for the varsity boys but there was the freshman/sophomore race and then the JV race. I rested between the varsity and JV but for the other races I was fairly active finding my spots. Dad and the boys were on one side of the park and I on the other.

By the last race I cut out a spot and waited. Ethan was getting updates via texts and pictures. For his first official race he did great. The kids have their homecoming dance tonight. I won’t be there for pictures or for helping get ready. Miles isn’t coming because it’s parents weekend and they have a game. Dad preaches at Trinity tonight and tomorrow but can be a ride there. It was a fun day at the park.

I used up my one grace day with my teacher last night. I feel like with each class everyone get one screw up or favor to ask or something the teacher will let slide this once. Our videos are supposed to be uploaded into “Box” because it’s the program that is HIPPA compliant and works with all of the privacy laws. We’re not just supposed to be storing videos in our devices or anywhere where privacy could somehow be compromised.

I was just thankful to have a way to show it, which ended up being through Google photos after logging into my email. Before the next one I need to 1) buy some kind of cheap little video camera where I can easily download video onto my computer, 2) figure out my box password so I can login during class on a different computer, and 3) figure out my saved student ID password so I can first login to even sign into Box.

That will have to be next week. It’s my weekend to work and the kids have a meet tomorrow. They also had a dance so Dad and I divided up the trips for the needed shopping. I took Elianna to Target for things and he and the boys headed to Kohls for some clothes. He’s in one of those growing stages so none of his clothes fit. There were socks bought, underwear, a belt, pants, and a shirt along with some dress shoes.

The feedback was similar to other feedback I’ve had, that I need to drop down out of my head. Many of my questions were very logistical, which happens when I’m wanting to still gather information. I think I actually prefer that more, like an assessment or intake. There is certain amount of this counseling thing that feels unnatural and forced, and I know a lot of it is because we’re being watched and there are requirements.

While living in Hoyleton we joined something called Samaritan Ministries. At that time the congregation covered all of the pastor’s health insurance plus half of the family. The rest came out of our paycheck which amounted to $400 a month. That was a very large sum. After a while of adding up all the money that health insurance was costing us we started looking into other options, particularly the “health sharing” organizations.

We actually saw it as an add in World magazine. We eventually asked the church if they could take us off the Concordia Health Plan and put that money toward paying our monthly “share” for Samaritan. Instead of paying over $14,000 a year for health insurance for us they then only had to pay $500 something a month, less than what they were paying for the pastor. Over time it’s slowly crept up to somewhere in the mid-600’s now.

A downside for us has been out-of-pocket costs for doctor’s visits. A regular visit with the doctor at cost is anywhere between $400-600. Our doctor has worked with us and we have an agreement now where he will code the visit so that all we pay is $120 which is much more affordable. You have to negotiate prices and annoyingly explain things at various times. You can find more affordable lab prices online at places like UltraLab.

You pay the money and go into a lab place and it’s only about 20% of the cost of paying straight out of pocket through someplace like Springfield Clinic. The 20% might be a lower end estimate but it’s definitely much cheaper. Every month camp sends a check to the person who you are assigned to send money to that month. When you are the one who has a “need”, you receive checks in the mail and use those to pay your bills.

Camp also pays $250 a month toward an HSA account that can be used for things such as doctor and dentist visits. It is not a perfect system by any means but it has worked for our family for around the past 14 or so years. A benefit has been being able to save both them and us very large amounts of money. There are more out-of-pocket costs that do add up and I wish it wasn’t so expensive for health care, but it’s there at least.

The boys and I went for a walk after school. On the way away from the house one of them asked if I was in a bad mood. I said, no, I was just wanting to get going on our walk. I’d kind of announced it that we were going, or maybe I asked them, I don’t remember. But one went into the garage for something, then another into the office once the one had come back, and then Lauren came out and talked for a while.

We found Casper by the first aid cabin. I call him Dipstick sometimes now. It’s kind of a cute name for him because he’s so cute. He followed us down the hill and waited in the shade for us to turn around. Sometimes the boys think they need to slow down and wait for him, but he will run and catch up once we’re walking away. We walked up to main camp and then down to the beach and back up the path to the house again.

Dad was home eating lunch. Oh hi, I said, startled, having forgotten he said he’d be home around one. He mows a lot in the fall until the weather turns cooler. I almost felt mad about it thinking someone else could be doing that, but he wouldn’t be doing it if he didn’t love, or even need it somehow. I would’ve made something for him but he had already made it, a replication of the grilled ham and cheese I’d made yesterday.

There was a slight alteration. An elder at church had told everybody to use mayonnaise on the outside instead of butter. I’m sure eating it is fine but it grosses me out to think of so I didn’t make it that way. I told the boys they need to be eating apples with their lunches. It’s more fiber for their systems and everyone just needs to be eating more fruits and vegetables anyway. I have no idea what I ate or if I did. I can’t remember.

If school could be longer, I’d let it. It’s never worked to have too much to do in the afternoon. Sometimes in the middle of the afternoons I will miss them. And I will go down to where they are and say, “Boys…”, my quiet thoughts trailing off. They are watching something or playing with something, but always attentive to my presence. Today they went with Dad to clean the range space and then to Grandma’s to work.

Elianna had a meet in Pittsfield. We left home about 2:25 and met my mother-in-law at Barnes and Noble where she left her car and joined up with us. It’s a longer trip, and on those we usually ride together. The ride isn’t bad. It’s basically like driving to Hannibal except not as far. There are many rivers on the way to Nebraska. I think we counted about 8-10. None of them would take very long to swim across.

The longest would be the Mississippi at around 5-10 minutes, at least in the place we cross over on the bridge. Miles was asking if I’m just going to do this with strictly U.S. rivers or if I’d also do international ones. I hadn’t even thought about it, but the U.S. ones would be sufficient for me. He said I should at least plan to include the Euphrates and the Jordan. I don’t know anything about the land or rules over there.

After arriving we met up with the kids. Our high school son rode the bus because he decided he wanted to join the team after all. The coach said he’s on the roster to run in the second Lincoln park meet on Saturday. That’s the hardest course they run so an interesting one to start out with. They have a JV race so he’s entered with Logan which I was glad for that option. The old coach quit so it’s one of the teachers.

Elianna wanted to medal because she’s medaled every race here. Top ten get medals and on the second loop three of the LuHigh girls were 8,9, and 10. By mid point they always look like they’re struggling. Beforehand I told Elianna I’ll love her no matter what place she gets and she said that makes it sound like I don’t believe in her or think she can do it. We have to be honest to our truest selves and so I said what I said.

The group of girls finished 8th, 10th, and 12th, and she had her medal. I was happy she did. I was there to see the finish but Dad is the one who meets them all at the finish line. I need to give them space and time before I am able to get closer because it hurts me too much to see them that spent. Running is a very emotional sport. It’s the only sport where I will cry or get choked up for whatever odd reason.

Before the boys race I saw a friend. We’re not as close as we used to be but here and there we still can connect with the basics. I asked if the divorce was official now, as it’s been a very long process of over two years with this or that delay for this or that reason, mostly because she did not go down willingly. We stood there, still, and I said it’s still a shock. We wiped away tears. Never will this ever seem like something that

The hardest part for me is feeling like this was overcomeable. I say this as someone who’s been through marriage counseling at least three different times. Some more time, the right help, I do believe they could have done it. That’s the part he and I do not understand. There has to be some missing piece, some information we do not know, it doesn’t make sense to us the way it is, the way this had to end at all.

I’m glad I didn’t start this internship without learning a few things first about expectations and idealism. Last week in class we had a rather depressing discussion about how the systems that our society has set up to help people are basically failing at astronomical levels. Several women in my group have worked as teachers in the schools. Even over the past 10-15 years, and especially over the past 5, things have changed so rapidly that the old way of doing school is not working anymore. System change is slow.

The kids have changed and people have changed. One of the interns is working at Memorial Behavioral Health with the same partial-hospitalization program where I did my practicum. The problem he sees is that this program is being offered in the portion of the day when most normal people are expected to work. It also feels impersonal because the entire program is scripted due to having to meet certain health insurance requirements. Only certain therapies are approved, many of which are outdated.

Because there have been many more discoveries and researched-backed methods even since the time that CBT on the scene. When people are only there for 2-3 weeks, you’re barely scratching the surface with being able to address their problems. Whenever I talked to people I would tell them that this program wasn’t going to be the place where they were cured. What it would hopefully be for them was a place where they could receive support during a critical point in their life. It would set them on a path.

During the groups, as you pay attention, find one or two things that really stand out to you. It will be different for every person, but hopefully there will be something in there you can take with you that will empower you as you continue along on the healing journey that you are hopefully on. I didn’t say all that to him but I was remembering while sitting there. He needed to get it off his chest and that is partly what group supervision time is for. To share frustrations and process experiences with the class.

The other time is for presenting videos which is what I was recording yesterday evening while talking with one of the moms. I decided I wasn’t even going to ask about recording anything in the kid groups just to avoid the potential of making moms feel uncomfortable. Most people decline to be in the camera view, which I’m pretty sure I would too. So the videos are of the “counselor” as you can hear the voice of the other. This was only our second meeting so there were many new things I learned about her.

We left for home around 8. Things were going great time-wise even with the stop in Nebraska City and the one near St. Joseph. We were on schedule to get Miles back to school sometime in the early 1:00 hour. But somewhere I realized this was not the right road. I’d done this once before coming back by myself. I started seeing signs saying 435-Kansas City. The whole thing, with a traffic jam included, adds about two extra hours.

I was not happy. Two extra hours of sitting is lot to ask of a person, a lot to ask of a body that aches and craves movement, and to go from making such great time to adding two more hours to not just my ride, but theirs also…I was quiet, silent, breathing deeply to stay calm. I stared down at the line of traffic and we talked about enduring our flaws with peace and how we were not even going to think about the added time.

I tried to not to ruin the mood with my vibe, which had gone from having fun to now greatly disheartened. Something happens in St. Joseph where I have twice now missed a turn. I don’t remember my brain being like this, where it’s compromised with these kind of directional memories. What is it about this particular road transition that is different from the others and causes me to repeatedly miss it? Next time I will watch to find out.

The kids handled it well. When I eventually realized that this meant they’d get to spend some extra time together I was able to let it go and continue on enjoying the trip. Miles drove once we were back on 36 and he and Elianna continued with their music and numbers game. I’d been looking forward to getting home with plenty of time for making a cozy supper for everybody. The fall weather and time away had increased this desire.

There was still food left to have something on hand. Josh and the boys made a trip to the store to restock breakfast and lunch for the upcoming week. When we arrived home supper was ready so we ate. “How was Kansas City?”, asked one of the boys. It was good, I said. I’d even seen some Royals fans dressed up in their jerseys. We all took turns listening to the weekend’s stories. Afterward I went for a walk and Elianna a run.

We had a meet this morning at Mahoney Golf Course in Lincoln. The team bus left around 7:30 and Miles met us here at the house around 8:30. The hotel we normally stay at was booked yesterday when we called to check on availability. They have a more sketch looking inn place that for whatever reason never feels like an option. I looked up Airb&b places and found this cute little place called The Liberty House.

It’s only a few blocks from campus. There are three total rooms that the hostess rents out, all of them on the upper floor. The bottom floor is an antique shop. The only bad thing about it is having to share a bathroom with other guests. With three guest rooms and two bathrooms it doesn’t work out for everyone to have their own. The course for this race was open and beautiful with lots of places to see the runners.

After the meet we found an Applebees for lunch. Thankfully it wasn’t crowded. It was nice to sit and enjoy each other and the food. We had talked about going to the Sunken Gardens when we weren’t sure if we’d have enough to do to fill the time, but we ended up cutting that out of the plan. We went home and after a while met up at the church for their Saturday service. It was a good day and we enjoyed the time together.