The Concordia team had their Augustana Twilight Invitational again at Yankton Park Trail in Sioux Falls, South Dakota. I’d been planning for months to go, so much did I enjoy the trip to see this meet last year. But I ended up needing to cut out a trip. I completely would’ve gone if I’d had the energy but at the beginning of this week I could tell I still wouldn’t. I am planning on going out for another meet in two weeks, and then another next month. My sisters and I are also planning a trip to New York in October.

I wished I could be there but I’m glad I didn’t go. It was enough for me to be there in spirit even though I’m not sure such said spirit matters much to anyone else. I don’t mean that to sound gloomy it’s just the hard facts that my kids don’t have that same sentimentality when it comes to my memories and wishes and desires to be with them. What feels big to me is often just a small thing for them and vise versa. I wasn’t even going to watch the stream site because it gives me such anxiety to do so.

But I changed my mind and did watch. I can’t help it, it’s like when I know the race is happening that’s just where my head is. He ran nearly two minutes faster than last year’s time at this meet. All the others have moved up as well, so his placing is still give or take the same which is fine. These are the kind of times I was expecting to see last year and I still don’t totally get what the deal was there. He’s still having the breathing issues while running that weren’t there when he was running in the summer.

He went to the doctor and they gave him an inhaler. It’s only been a couple of days so it’s still to be seen as to whether or not it’s going to help. The coach does not seem particularly concerned about it, with his thoughts being that it’s likely either the lingering effects of a past respiratory virus, or a form of exercise-induced asthma. If it is asthma, and the asthma is exercise-induced, then in my head it would make sense that one should take a break from the exercise that is potentially causing the problems.

But it’s not my body. It’s not my running. I probably bugged him about it too much for a couple of days and asked too many questions before I finally hit my “letting go” wall again where I just had to let it go for my own peace and sanity and because there’s actually nothing more I can do. I’m turning into one of those praying women. And obviously I want him to tell me these things so I have to make sure I’m not making that too much of an unpleasant experience. Or something like that, who knows.