I hate being quiet
but there isn’t much
time for solitude
remember me, Lord Jesus
when you come into
your kingdom, in that place
I’ll meet you there

Ethan proposed to Laura this evening. We’ve known for however long it was when we went out to his meet in Iowa. He asked to talk to Dad to get Laura’s dad’s number. When he got back into the car we said, “Ok, spill.” So then Josh told me and the boys what happened. I have to admit I was a little shocked at the timing and was not expecting him to ask her so soon.

From what she says she wasn’t either. He wanted her to be surprised. It’s been very hard not to mention it or talk about over here or anywhere I would normally talk about things. It turned out nice where her family and siblings were in town for thanksgiving so they were able to join us for a dinner and dessert when Ethan and Laura came back from their walk.

I just kept praying for God to work out the details because once today came I was feeling very nervous. I just wanted it to be a nice experience for everyone and obviously for her to be happy with everything going on. Thankfully she was. Once they were back I felt so much better and relieved. Several of us were feeling emotional including them. We all were grateful.

“And when they came up out of the water, the Spirit of the Lord carried Philip away, and the eunuch saw him no more, and went on his way rejoicing. But Philip found himself in Azotus…”
~Acts 8:39-40~

“Boys, I stand undaunted in the face of your apathy.” They were not as resolute about decorating and wrapping the CGC doors as I was. It didn’t matter. They were coming and that was all their was to it. We survived without too much frustration. I know these things are unnecessary. There really is a fine line between going all out in a way that exhausts you and trying to add a little bit of cheer to the moment.

They’re fine once they get there it just takes some prodding on my part. My grandma used to have us help her fold church bulletins. There was a certain way it had to be done, and that was folding them so that when you folded it in half the corners matched. It drove her nuts when people would fold them and the corners were off. It made sense. I doubt that Jesus cared but the aligned corners looked nicer.

So I could’ve probably had them do it a little neater but then we all would’ve ended up miserable. I told them they needed to put Casper outside because Uncle Dave is allergic to pet dander, particularly from cats. The no animals policy has pretty much gone out the window once the dogs started coming. You think of these people with allergies and don’t want them to be uncomfortable but no one had said anything.

Elianna’s dog made it back last night. She said his name is Zorro. He’s actually very cute. Schneip (the former counselor) and Laura were here to eat supper with us when they got home. Earlier when they were gone the boys and I made cookie dough for one of our Friday activities. Really the kids don’t need quite as much entertainment. Next year I told my mom one of our activities should just be to make our own pies.

That way people would be contributing toward something with a purpose. We’d eat the fruits of our labor so to speak. I get emotional during the holidays because they bring up many feelings, a strong one being from all the memories of times before and how special it is to do things for and with family. We love each other and that’s (what makes up for all) the difference.

We woke up in the morning to hear my sister had her baby in the middle of the night. Torin Samuel. I sadly wasn’t there this time as it was my weekend to work and there was a lot going on. My other sister was there who lives only ten minutes away and has been there for three of my sister’s four home births. She opted out of having a mid-wife this time, I think mostly to save money. She gave birth at home on their bedroom floor.

They’re still planning on coming. I told her all she’d have to do is sit in the recliner and hold the baby. It’s a busy week of preparations for when people arrive here on Thursday. Ethan surprised us Saturday morning by showing up around 8AM after telling us he wasn’t going to leave until Saturday around 6AM. He and some teammates were supposed to play campus-wide hide and seek on Friday night but then decided not to.

He got home sometime around 1AM but slept in the retreat center with the former counselor who’s been living here until he starts his job in January. So that was fun to see him. Dad and I went grocery shopping this morning to get the first batch of food. Thanksgiving Day we’ll spend at his mom’s house in the later morning and for the noon meal. Wednesday evening we’re playing games with Laura’s family and some others.

I do like these gatherings. It’s a lot but every year is different and somehow works itself out. This year my grandma sent $1000 to cover the food. I’d only asked for $500. So that was nice and her way of supporting us and being there. My other aunt is coming this year, finally after years of asking. She has something with her work where things are due at the end of the month and it’s never been a good time. She’s still talking to Tim.

Dad and Elianna are picking up the puppy tomorrow. They’ve been shopping to get all the things together, tonight bringing home a bag of puppy food. My sister regularly acts like I’m in for a rude awakening as soon as this dog is here. I told her ignorance is bliss and that I’m fine with my bliss until things have to change. Seriously, I have no idea what to expect. They keep saying you have to take him outside to use the bathroom.

It’s a male German Shepherd. I think of German Shepherds as being a mix of black and brown but this one is mostly black with only a little bit of brown. She won’t tell us the name. There’s a place in the back office where he’s supposed to sleep and I guess for a while she is going to sleep with him. I’m trying to figure out which cat is going to have the hardest time with him being here. I’m kind of hoping they’ll eventually be used to it.

The morning Ethan came home I woke up to a text sound at 7. I figured it was him letting me know he was leaving. It wasn’t. I thought it was weird that he hadn’t texted, and I thought about calling him but I didn’t. He said he’d set his alarm for 6AM so he could call me because he figured I’d worry. But for whatever reason he didn’t and went back to sleep. I wasn’t really worrying, it was more like wondering then letting it go.

But it made me happy that I’d somehow been thought of again. I read Acts chapter 4 and basically Peter and John are interrogated by the religious leaders asking them in whose power had they healed a lame man. In Jesus’ power, they said. The leaders tell them they need to stop doing that. It makes them (the leaders) uncomfortable for whatever reason but they also see that they can’t deny that this man was healed.

Whenever I’ve read about Peter and John being bold I’ve always kind of pictured them enjoying this experience. Like they’re getting some kind of high or rush out of ruffling these feathers and being defiant in some way. But I don’t think that’s going on here. Boldness is speaking the truth, not rebelling. And then the leaders kind of threaten them. These are not idle leaders. These are the people who had their friend killed.

So these leaders could essentially do the same to them. The disciples pray to God for boldness. Their behavior in these moments is all coming across as completely non-pompous and rather measured. They’ve fallen asleep in Gethsemane and not believed when others came to them to tell them Jesus had risen. The only way they’re going to be bold in the face of such leaders is through Jesus who gives them the power to do so.

“But you denied the Holy and Righteous One, and asked for a murderer to be granted to you, and you killed the Author of life, whom God raised from the dead. To this we are witnesses.”
~Acts 3:14-15~

Peter’s one of these guys where sometimes I really like him and other times I’m like, “Can you dial it back please?” You’re going to offend people. The sermons he gives in the opening few chapters of Acts are awfully accusatory. You this, you that.

But no one stones him. Instead, people were baptized and the number of believers and Christ followers grew. Peter calls out the insanity and crooked thinking. They deny the Holy and Righteous One and ask for a murderer. They kill the Author of life which no power of man can undo. It is God who will have to raise him up and he does.

Then there is more talking about Moses and the prophets. Jesus made such a big deal out of this, and I love now to see these preachers repeating back what they’ve learned. It had to be so overwhelming to the hearers, Jesus had to explain this to them time and time again. It’s too much information to try and cram it all into one sermon.

He talks about a covenant, and again repeats a promise first repeated to Abraham, “And in your offspring shall all the families of the earth be blessed.” But blessed how? I don’t know what I imagined, when you read those Advent Abraham sections. Blessed by being made part of God’s family. Blessed because from him would come a Savior.

But it’s something different here. They’re blessed by being rewarded for their great patience and faithfulness. Actually, no. Jesus comes to these people, to us, to me (dear God…), “to bless you by turning every one of you from your wickedness.” Incredible.

“Whoever receives his testimony sets his seal to this, that God is true.”
~John 3:33~

It’s been a while since reading a book of the Bible, so I thought for Advent readings I could read the book of Acts. Right away this stood out to me in the opening verses, when it says, “He presented himself alive to them after his suffering by many proofs, appearing to them during forty days and speaking about the kingdom of God (1:4).”

Luke began his first book “with all that Jesus began to do and teach” and now in his second book he will tell of the apostles and how they began to do the same (do and teach). In the very first chapter you have Peter standing up addressing the believers, and quoting the Psalms which foretold of Judas’s demise and eventual replacement.

I’ve always kind of accepted at face value where the New Testament mentions how the Old Testament relates. If the Scriptures were “God-breathed” or Spirit-inspired, it makes sense that the New Testament writers would be given insight into which Psalms fit where, or which prophets were talking about this or that. The Spirit opened their eyes.

But first it was actually Jesus who did this. In the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, and Luke, and even in the very first verses of John, you have the writers right away repeating things that they have heard. They were not just suddenly students finally making some more connections. They’d walked with Jesus who explained to them all these written things.

In this way the Spirit shows us how to interpret the Scriptures and trains our minds to see Jesus in the pages. This was how Jesus taught his disciples, and how his disciples went on to teach others. I’ve always liked the part in chapter 2 about the fellowship–the generosity, awe, and fervor. But today I was inspired by everything that came before it.

Elianna and I went to the Y after school. She did a speed workout on the track while I walked. The whole thing took about 20 minutes which I timed. After that she went with me while I tested out a few machines. I just wanted to see which ones I liked. I’ve kind of had this craving to exercise more or to do something different to work out my legs.

My attempt at 30 minute walks did not stay constant, but my overall steps average is up 1,000 steps than it was from the last year. Each year it’s consistently gone up 1,000ish steps. John Blase had in his Instagram stories some quote from another person saying how people use words like grit, fortitude, strength and the like to speak about workouts. It went on saying that if the hardest thing in your life right now is a workout, then another word in your list had better be gratitude.

I think what the person meant was that workouts aren’t really that hard compared to many other difficult things that people endure in life. And if you aren’t going through something terribly awful right now that you should truly be thankful, not in a shaming way, just in general. But that’s not what made me “heart” the post as soon as I read it because that’s not the first thing that came to my mind.

What I originally thought the post was saying was that if you have the physical ability to work out at all then you should be grateful. Like if you can stand on two feet or push your body to exertion, this is something that is a gift and ought to not be taken for granted. I was reading Marilyn’s caring bridge site this evening and her father wrote a post about the blessing of normalcy. At the moment they were home, she was feeling better, and he was grateful for the normal things of life.

I liked the rowing machine the best. Earlier in the day I visited Hoyleton friends in Litchfield. We met for lunch as it’d been two years since the last time. When I saw them (today) my nerves had that feeling of too-much-ness, too much excitement and too much joy and it’d only been a few seconds. It’s hard to explain and it’s too much to.

It’s cold out tonight so all the cats are inside. I can’t stand to think of them out there when it’s cold. Obviously it’s been worse but with the weather making more dips into the thirties at night it makes it feel like we’re not in autumn anymore. November is a rainy month and it’s been cloudy and rainy with today even having tiny snowflakes.

I skipped internship last night because I couldn’t get in the door. I was already on the fence about going but I made myself go. Thankfully they usually let me right into the side door but this time there must not have been anyone at the desk. I tried the front doorbell a couple of times and then went back to the side. I didn’t have the patience.

So I went shopping and bought a few things for our Joyful Hearts Christmas gift bags that we’re putting together over Thanksgiving. There are about 30 bags we’re making up that the cousins can help put together one day. It doesn’t have to be much just something colorful with things inside that they can take home and do whatever with.

Honestly I needed a break and just a regular free night. I went to Ross afterward and found two ugly sweaters that I thought I could wear to be festive. They sadly didn’t fit but I will make sure to take them back this time, hopefully to find something else that does. I bought a wintery looking shower curtain with cabins and people skiing downhill.

It was a Nordic theme. I almost bought a second set for the downstairs with one of those furry toilet covers that had a reindeer head on it. It was $22 so I didn’t get it but I might still go back. I put the new one up today and was very happy with it and also the new curtain liner. I thought of the phrase retail therapy and that’s basically what it was.

You know how sometimes it goes where you can actually have a lot on your mind but it isn’t really anything you particularly want to talk about, or wouldn’t really know how to express even if you did? Whatever that is, that’s what it’s like. I started a post earlier about all the things I was stressed about but who wants to read that time after time?

I used to talk about how the trees were on fire, and I used to feel that way about you, before wind and rain and mountains formed mysteries. They say, or rather I read this morning, that a person changes six or seven times when you’re married and you love all these different versions of the person you knew once before the one disappeared.

But that’s not it. You walk along the road and think, “That’s the same gait you had when you were 17 years old”, when you unknowingly memorized the way their steps hit the pavement. I know better than to be stubborn, so I will give you that yes, a person changes but also something happens where given enough time you start to love in reverse.

The boys and I finished their leaf project this morning. I saw their bright colorful letters and my heart cracked open with feeling touched by their creativity and initiative. Before that one of the boys had been on the couch coughing. Every couple of years there’s some sickness or bug that lasts longer and hangs on more than the typical timeframe. The cough was repeatedly gag-inducing to where the bucket was getting regularly used.

And then they feel better. We wondered where we could put it. I was initially thinking between the bookshelves in the schoolroom but then one of them suggested hanging it over the bookshelf in the living room hallway. I liked that idea. The top of the bookshelf was empty, and a little shorter than waist high. So we wondered what else we could put there. My one son is in a ceramics art class this semester. We found one of his projects.

We have similar items from when my daughter took that class. I brought two of them out from the kitchen drawer designated for miscellaneous trinkets. To top it off I found a picture from 2020 that I’d printed of all four of them from the first day of school. They were posing in the hammocks, one hung above another with two kids in each one. Everything doesn’t have to be displayed, but I like when we find a good use for things.