I’m finding that even when stress is subconscious it’s still effecting my body. I wouldn’t necessarily even say I’ve felt stressed. In my head things are calm there but the past couple of years have in fact been very stressful in terms of things going on around the holiday season. My school load feels significantly lighter but it takes time and is also exposure to foreign environments. My job is good but the same is true there.

Thanksgiving for my family always takes a lot out of me but the past few years with school has taken the holidays to different levels. I toy with the idea of telling them I can no longer host, and even with my part there is plenty of help that comes from others. But anymore come November, I start to dread this time of year because of all the variables and different requirements. It feels like I have significantly cut back.

And yet I’m still here needing rest on the daily and it isn’t just “Oh I just need a quick nap.” I wrapped four presents, cleaned the bathroom, now I’m done. It’s the tightness in the chest that does go away when I take medicine but in weaker times the stress or major movement brings it back. For a while I’d gone weeks, months (?) without naps. I felt good and untired. So when it comes back I try to remember those days.