“…but instead let there be thanksgiving.”
~Ephesians 5:4~

When I use the word mediocre to describe my current housewifery performance I’m not making up words to degrade myself needlessly. I have witnesses who can see for themselves and even one who comes to me on occasion to discuss with me my recent failures or behaviors that seem to contradict what it is I often say that I am wanting.

I did not understand my own mother. How a woman who seemed to have all the time in the world could not keep the laundry done. Why cooking seemed to be such drag. Even now I do not understand certain things. When I consider the way I feel toward my children, the way my heart is bound to them and how I’d give to them my whole being, why does not my own mother pursue relationship with me or the ones in my life?

I have a strong maternal drive. But this does not always translate into actions that communicate devotion and presence, and the felt needs that I have and naturally give or seek to fill in others do not always match the felt needs of the ones I am attempting to provide for. Such is the way of being and growing in relationship with our people.

The kids and I had some cleaning time in the morning. I wanted things straightened before Dad returned in the evening. He’d been there to watch the 5k race in Nebraska and returned sometime to meet my mother-in-law and the kids for supper. I filled up a bowl of bleach water that I was going to use to wipe down the bathroom but when I went to pick it up from the counter I somehow ended up pulling a back muscle.

So I could hardly move for several hours but the pain subsided enough to where I felt I could go to work. Elianna came in for a while to massage where the pain was. I gave the kids instructions and made some tea and found a water bottle. The night went well and when I returned Dad was home and on the couch where he had waited up for me.