Today in class we had a faculty candidate giving a teaching presentation. It lasted for about an hour and then we had a fifteen minute break before coming back to ask the teacher any more questions if we wanted. Our regular teacher said we could work on our projects if we wanted but that she had something to do at 5. So I left around then.

I saw Alexis while I was there and asked her how the time had gone after I’d left from our site last Thursday. She said she should’ve left when I did. She had a really good session with one of the moms but one of the workers kept coming into the room. I forgot to tell her that was one of those idiosyncrasies that came with working there.

She thinks they need to be pulled as a site and that the only way she’s going to make it is if she gets another site and knows she doesn’t have to do internship there. I don’t think it’s that bad. I don’t mean to frame this like she’s the unreasonable one and I’m the calmer, more mature one, but that is how it feels at times when we’re talking.

She has valid concerns, and like I said earlier, I’m trying to do my part to clean up my side of the street so that I’m more fully following proper procedures. After I left she was asked to watch the upstairs floor while one of the workers had to mediate a situation downstairs. While the worker was gone a kid threw up and she had to clean up the bed.

Cleaning up puke is not what we are going to school for. She’s totally right and I couldn’t believe that that had happened. I really like her and want her to stay but she did say yes to picking up hours at Memorial so she’s going to drop one of her Contact evenings. This is also why I picked up another site. I wanted a more professional side to things.

Part of it makes me second guess my judgment. They’ve had a student there an entire semester (myself) and haven’t heard a peep out of me in terms of any complaints. This new student is there for a week and has been in nearly regular contact with her faculty supervisor regarding all the issues she’s having. How is it I’ve been so numb to all this?

But part of me also thinks this is still good experience. It allows for evening hours which is something I wanted. You are exposed to levels of poverty and family dysfunction that make you just sit in quiet containment. The children get focused attention in a way that is different. I took the break over Christmas and feel like I have settled back in there.

So there’s that. As of now I don’t go back to Thrive until Friday. I don’t suppose it’s abnormal to be wondering in this process things like, “What am I going to do with this degree when I’m finished?” I thought through various ways of asking the supervisor, “What are the chances of me doing what Alex is doing and ending up working here?”

At Thrive you’re a private contractor and split the money 60/40. So you keep 60 and he gets 40. The benefits are having insurance and billing services covered. You have a clean cozy office space with no building maintenance. You have an already established business to streamline you patients. I feel like I could do at least three full days a week.

There are things I would like to do, like reserve five or so spots for those who couldn’t pay anything, or would get a reduced rate of $20. I could fill in for group or even start one of my own that I could do in the evenings. With 2000 more hours of supervised working I could upgrade my license from LPC to LCPC and get to supervise students.

I still have in the back of my mind that I would do something church related. I used to describe it as coordinating services or organizing a list of resources to give to churches and area pastors. Sometimes I think I’m too known in the Lutheran communities and providing counseling to local church members would be too weird with mixed feelings.

But there’s part of me that thinks I could do it and be nonjudgmental while holding their stories. And it wouldn’t have to effect anything or change the way I see them at all. We have a wellness plan due tonight at midnight. She said as long as you submit it before she goes to grade it then it’s fine. I’m probably going to work on it now in the morning.