“Grace be with all who love our Lord Jesus Christ with love incorruptible.”
~Ephesians 6:24~

I found myself missing my son a lot today. I usually tell him when this happens. I can’t seem to not. It never quite gets the response I’d make up, like, “I miss you too, Mom. I think about my childhood years quite often and feel so blessed by God to have had you as my mom. We had many wonderful days together.” He’s gotten better with communication. Like when I ask him how he is, he asks me back how I’m doing.

I was praying for his track meet on Friday and it hit me then. And when the big kids came home from school and pulled into the drive and stepped out of the car. I said, “Hi big kids!”, from where I was on the hill and missed him coming home from school. The boys and I had school at the table this morning, just the three of us. Zorro is becoming more toddleresque as he grows. The past few days he’s been into more things.

He was very smart. He got a 35 on his ACT which surprised absolutely no one. I sometimes feel like I should’ve talked about him more in the moments he was here. I tried to tell him he should take it again and try for a 36. He said, “Why??”, not seeing the point. I wish someone would’ve encouraged me to take mine again. I could’ve done better and would’ve known to not go so slow. I would’ve finished it the next time.

Smart is relative, I know. So many other qualities trump it. I forget sometimes that he’s engaged. He doesn’t talk to me about it but he’s asked his dad about several things. I asked how Laura was doing and he said she’s got a job now at a local fast food place. They want to have kids right away. It seems a lot for young people to juggle but I can’t say much against it. That is after all how he got here. I hope they can have them.

He was conceived on my brother’s futon. We’d gone to visit my parents and so they put us down in the basement which was where my brother’s room was. I started out on the pill but after a month or so ditched it. We said we’d use Natural Family Planning which was fine but it has its drawbacks which I did not put up with long. There were nap times and play dates and our nighttime CD. I would tell him more, whenever he asked me.