Today was my grandma’s first birthday in heaven. I celebrated by working a four hour shift in her memory. It flew by because all I was doing was meds. If I can keep this job (if I don’t screw up) then I can see myself doing this forever. I can’t get over how perfect it is and how much I enjoy the atmosphere and environment. The only thing is that it can be lonely because there isn’t another nurse on the floor to hang out with.

And somewhere in me I still don’t like going, like there’s that anticipatory dread beforehand that makes me feel like I would rather stay home. I told Josh in the morning that I see things being different with the therapy job. Like that I can see actually looking forward to going and spending my day with the people. I was thinking about how I actually might not mind doing kids. Not all the time but I’d be open to seeing them.

I was looking at a website of therapy places in Chicago. There were rows and rows of female therapists with the occasional male ones. It made me wonder how I am supposed to stand out in a field that seems saturated with women and all within the same 20 year age range. I brought this up in our class tonight and asked what the odds are of finding an job. One girl said community mental health sites are always hiring.

But the catch is that the pay sucks. I finally feel like I caught a break with the lengthening out of my hours. Instead of having to do my grid four times, once for every semester of internship, they said it is optional which semester I do it. So I only have to do the presentation one more time, just as long as I do it before graduation. I told my supervisor about the video I would’ve had. She said she thinks I will get a better one.

I missed the boys. And the texts that were coming in from my family about Grandma. And the one from the friend who lost her dad and I’m trying not to be so negligent in responding. I came home and we had lunch. Dad told me about his visit and I let him have the remaining potatoes. The boys cleaned up and I took a nap, longer than normal as I was sleepy. The kids stayed with Grandma in the evening and had a wonderful time.