I feel like my body is giving me time, saying, “We really ought not to go a single step further until you take time to write this out. You know you need to. You know you can.” I remember when forgiveness came to mean, “I give you full permission to hurt me again.” It was then I decided to no longer forgive. Over my dead body would I give understanding to never get it. There would be no forgiveness until I got what I wanted.

I’ve said for years that the issues that come up in a woman’s luteal phase are the things, the wounds, that need addressing and healed. If things are dealt with there is healing. If not, the wounds become deeper and only grow. I would love to somehow research this, and educate others on these bodily functions. Too much damage happens to couples in this window, when this is actually supposed to be the time to most bond you.

Somewhere women’s voices became really hard for men to hear. I shouldn’t just say men because it seems to happen with children too. It’s true I want my voice heard but not at the expense of the rest of my life. “If I had cherished iniquity in my heart, the Lord would not have listened.” I feel like there’s another verse somewhere but I can’t remember where it is. To not forgive is a great iniquity that warrants death and rejection.

But our bodies can also work against us, because they bring up issues that are no longer there but only exist in the mind. The body and head need to come back into alignment. This is why it’s important to not only have forgiveness which removes our transgressions, but also repentance and change. When we can hear where the other is hurting we can acknowledge where we’ve also done wrong. We can move on from the past.

To not forgive your brother makes a bigger mess than the first one. It’s a bigger mess than the first because that mess becomes another, and then another, then another, until there is no knowing where the first mess began. It’s a hopeless situation because it’s a hopeless situation, but not when people can say, “We want more. We need more.” Because there is so much forgiveness in Christ, there is plenty of grace to go around.