“Good and upright is this LORD;
therefore he instructs sinners in the way.”
~Psalm 25:8~

I’m officially at the halfway point with internship hours. Today I had a Zoom meeting with my faculty supervisor. I showed a video of one the moms and her baby who is one of the women I’ve been showing. It was neat because this time I had asked her if she would be okay to be on camera. I’ve wanted to respect people’s privacy and not have added barriers of discomfort, but there is something to being able to see the person.

So she said yes which made me happy. My faculty supervisor is from China and is about six years younger than me. She isn’t married and has no kids and is a very sweet person. She gave me some feedback about how I could possibly go in a direction that would help one of my videos meet the multicultural awareness requirement. Sometime before we graduate we have to show a video that shows multicultural awareness.

Before that I’d been at the Thrive Center for a meeting with the supervisor there. The conversation with Alexis on Thursday had prompted me to say to him on Friday that there was a chance I would be needing to leave my other site sooner than I thought and I was trying to figure what that meant for getting hours there. So he was going to show me the training handbook and the group therapy binder he wants redone.

Somewhere in all of this he out of nowhere says to me, “So do you want to have an awkward conversation?” I say out of nowhere but in my head I’m thinking, “Oh my gosh, is this the answer?” I think I said, “okay”. The not getting individual hours has been causing me so much angst, I’ve been sad and just overall confused and anxious. Like why am I putting up with this? He said, “I feel like you don’t know what to do with me.”

I had prayed the day before for God to give me discernment, for him to make it crystal clear how I am supposed to be seeing this. I somehow go into clumsy counselor mode with his statement. “What is it that is making you feel this way?” and somewhere else, “Can you explain what you mean?” I’m shocked by what he’s saying and would’ve never known if he hadn’t said it. “It’s like you don’t trust me somehow”, he said, which I don’t.