Elianna has been training Zorro how to not bust down the baby gates to the living room. She opens the gate and tells him to sit and he stays there. This evening he was at the edge of the dining room looking into the living room where three cats were just sitting there. Everybody was perfectly calm and civil and nobody scratched or chased anybody.

She really is great with him. I must give the boys their credit too because they play with him and feed him and take him for walks throughout the day. He has a little outside space where he still is content to hangout during down times. I really cannot believe how smooth the transition has been with him being here. It’s been nice to have a dog.

Earlier in the morning I typed out the list with the address for Laura. I figured it was the least I could do. It has not escaped my mind that I still have a kid who is getting married married in less than four and a half months. They two of them both seem to think that’s a lifetime but I can’t help be mind blown that this is coming so fast and incredibly soon.

Alexis and I kept in touch through the day. Both of us are just feeling like crud about this. She only has less than ten direct hours left and then she was planning on just sitting in the side room for the rest of the semester until she’s done with her hours. From 1-4 this afternoon I was at Thrive sitting on the couch in the downstairs room.

It’s like he showed me this book stuff and keeps saying there are things to do at the front desk but I still just need to get this crap done for school. I said I was just going to be come in and sit in the side room and do homework. He passed by the room at least six different times going up and down the stairs and never once came in or said hi.

And I didn’t either because I wasn’t going to. He had to know I was there because I was typing and playing my Healing music. His client left before the hour and I was out right at 4. This isn’t the way I want to do things, like I want to be helping and contributing. I feel bad I don’t feel like I’m computerish enough to understand or do what he’s asking.

I’ve been having these terrible thoughts like Thrive is the next place I have to leave. I wanted to bail so bad yesterday. I said I would come into group if he didn’t show up but I couldn’t go in there. It ended up getting done almost an hour and a half early and I sat in the side room with another student. He seems like a grounded and kind young man.

Like I keep holding out thinking I just need more time. Time for whatever this angst is to finally settle and leave me be. Time for more positive experiences than negative ones. I’ll feel okay for awhile and then not okay again when I’ve not been able to progress in either confidence or skills. The thought of starting another site again feels too daunting.