The kids had a track meet in Riverton this evening. Dad stayed home to be with Zorro and the kids and I left around 4:30 to be there by 5. This is one of their bigger meets of the year and so it takes longer than most of the other meets. I’ve never been to this particular meet. It was always on a Friday night, after a longer week, and too late to be out with having to stay for the later races. All of those senior 4×4 relays I never saw.

I had a pretty productive day as far as homework goes. I’m still down about something, and was quiet the entire drive to the meet. The thoughts would not quiet, “See? You’re letting the past infect the present. You could be making wonderful memories with the kids right now in the car.” But your desires for vengeance, for someone to know you, for your homeschooling capacities to have been greater in later years, it’s all with me.

I texted Josh when we arrived, when the lady had not made us pay the entry fee for parking, and said, “Maybe I just needed a little fresh air and sunshine.” It doesn’t hurt, and we walked the fence line to the bigger stands, and I temporarily felt better there adrift in the crowd. One of the boys and I took a stretch break and walked around to the other side. We made our predictions on the boys 3200M and both ended up wrong.

The kids did well and PR’d again. At some point, I told them, it isn’t always going to go this way. But we’ll take the good times when they’re here and celebrate in their successes. “Is that your boy?”, a dad asked me, when I was down by the finish line cheering for the finishing 1st place 400 runner. “No”, I said, smiling. That boy beat my boy, when my son was a senior and he was a freshman. He won the 2023 sectional 800M

in a major upset when my senior boy was seeded to win having obsessed for months and months to make that a reality. I’m learning to love my love/need for a healthy obsession. I still like watching these Auburn boys, the ones who are left that I remember and remind me of the one far away who I could barely watch. He too at times still follows their events and their times. We drove home around 9 with much more talking.