I sent out like six or seven calls and emails today trying to find a different internship site. I heard back from one place so far and he said they didn’t have any spots at the moment. Group was fine this morning and Wednesday and is the best part of being there. But the lingering in limbo day after day and sitting in the awkwardness of trying to get hours but having nothing to do even when I’m trying to do things is too much.

There is no sense in trying to talk this out with him again. The issue is the massive (internal) attraction I’m skirting around and not anything he is doing or not doing. Water seeks its own level and I’m sitting in the group room like yeah, can’t you see it? That’s why I am here. That is the story I am telling myself, that I was brought to you, and now we can be these paired spiritual healers leading our nature and trauma circle rituals.

We have elite-level powers. How weird would that have been to say? But seriously, I also found out that the rumor is true and he is planning on moving to Florida in two years. That is not enough time for me to get all of the hours and supervision needed to get my LCPC so we can train students together. I still want to use my somatic practitioner training but however perfect this place was, it wasn’t perfect enough to unfold in reality.

So that’s been kind of disappointing and stressful. I feel like I’ve failed at two internship sites but I’m hoping it will work out however it’s meant to. A few things I’ve learned from my various clinical experiences: 1) I love busy environments, 2) I prefer being part of a multi-practitioner team, and 3) Individual therapy isn’t necessarily my strong suit, or at least is not the sole thing I’d want to do, and 4) Hot, intuitive men are my kryptonite.

I feel like those things are still good lessons. So anyway I came home and took a nap and stayed in bed for a while emailing and thinking about this. I got up and Josh and the boys were making pizza. Ethan was with Laura, Elianna with friends, and the next one came home with a friend who is spending the night to say they were eating then going to get some food with camp people. I’m hoping for us to play a game with the boys.