“…it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure–“
~Revelation 19:8~

I feel like I cannot trust life to not throw me a terrible curve ball. Being turned in on oneself can feel like a move of protection. Protecting my insides from being wounded any further. I haven’t the energy even now to get up. After a full day of laundry and making progress, swimming halfway across the lake with two of my kids and continuing to do so in the swim area’s deep end. I lie here staring out the window. The leaves.

I do not want to star in the cautionary tale. I look these other women and wonder, how are they functioning? And why am I not? It’s what I’m asking, telling God, just let me function again. I ordered a book for me and my daughter called Reclaiming Your Joy: A Bible Study on Conquering Your Joy Stealers. There’s a policy in the student handbook that says we aren’t supposed to communicate with our clients via personal numbers.

So that’s completely my wrong. During the night I was awake with things on my mind, asking God to keep turning my mind to the good and fostering gratitude. I feel like I am a person who relies on God and receives from him strength. But would other people see or think that on their own? Sometimes my desire and what is shown does not match up. Yet even so, somewhere I trust I’m still right where I’m supposed to be.