Ethan decided to bike 100 miles for whatever reason. I’d given him some time to sleep in and then texted him asking what he was up to today. I was thinking he’d have some time to stop by and hang out with us while everybody was still here. He replied back saying he was in the middle of a pit stop at Laura’s while he was biking 100 miles. My reaction was more of a “Oh. Ok”, like you do you and I’ll just keep doing me over here.

I didn’t actually type that. I didn’t type anything back until a few hours later when we were down at the beach and I told him to let us know when he was back. Later I heard all about it that he had biked out to Auburn, picked up Laura to bike some more with her, and then eventually finished by biking back to camp on the new bike that Laura’s dad had gotten him for his birthday. He made three half hour pit stops at Laura’s.

So I was happy about that. Part of me was operating more experienced in letting go, boys will be boys and all of that. Then there was the part of me that was minorly hurt that he didn’t tell me, that his dad knew about it and my brother knew about it but I had gone to bed at 9 and missed the entire conversation. Combine that with another one resisting my input regarding a health issue and that was enough to turn my composure.

I eventually made lunch and we all went down to the water. They say hospitality isn’t about things being perfect but how you make people feel. But when you’re hosting people who you know have high standards it’s easy to get inside your head and feel self-conscious about not measuring up. So once you’re in that mode you’re not making people feel welcome because you’re too wrapped up in thinking about what is not.

Does a person ever outgrow this? You feel like you can know the answers and have the advice but it still doesn’t seem to matter when you’re pouring out from an emptier cup. But whose fault was it that your cup was empty? And where do I get such an inconvenient, powerful appetite? It’s not these people’s place to feed my hungers and the more I see that the less I want them and the more I can say, “Of course it wasn’t”.