Today was a super fun day at the beach. The high school kids had an afternoon beach day where all their activities were beach related. One of the campers had a birthday and his mom had come in the morning to decorate the dining hall. She came out later for the afternoon and to stay here into the evening. We used to be closer but we are still friends. Our plan was to spend time together while she was here for the afternoon.

So that’s what we did. After paddle boarding and playing in the swim area for a while we decided to swim the length of the lake. Laura was also there hanging out so we asked if she wanted to come with us and she did. We were only going to swim halfway but then (name) wanted to go farther to the end of the lake so she could say that she’d done it.

For supper they had a cookout around the fire. This was all still down at the beach where kids were playing volleyball and sitting in the sand. At one point I looked around and saw each of my kids in different places. I thought it was neat that we were all together and I felt that feeling of being whole and at peace and glad when you know they are there all around you and safe. It was a good time of fellowship, camp food, and old friends.

For whatever reason I’ve been struggling more mentally. When I get like this it can seem like there’s no way out, like nothing I’ve done has worked, etc, etc. They say you’re supposed to reach out, ask for what you need, do not isolate, etc, etc. I tried my sisters. I tried my husband. I tried my daughter and that was it. So then I tried my mom because she knows when I’m calling her it’s because I’m down and actually do need some help.

So I told her my woes and she confirmed that this wasn’t discontentment, that the need and desire for change is part of life and growth. As I’ve been coming into my therapy self I’m discovering my belief that it’s good to have both long-term and short-term goals. You need the results in the moment to keep you motivated, and you need the space in the long run to open things up for change and deeper healing and functioning.

She ordered me a little machine for area rugs and upholstery. And then she gave me some inspiration on how to rearrange my current entryway space so that the milk crates are in the bottom for shoes, and that the bench from Grandma’s entryway, the bench that nobody could currently sit on can go somewhere else to be used. We had our 45 minutes of cleaning, to happen mostly daily til things are back to a better place.