“We can never go back. We can only go on and on.”

~Joy Williams~

I feel like I’ve been going on and on about the kids. We were sitting on the couch this evening and I was like, “It happened. This is what they always said would happen where one day the kids are gone and it’s the two of you looking at each other wondering where all the time went.”

He said, “There’s still one right there”, pointing to the one on the couch with his book. I functioned enough to help move Elianna’s stuff to Grandma’s but the rest of the day I came home and slept, with the exception of switching out the laundry here and there. The boys were at practice.

Elianna was at a friend’s house for a birthday party and last night together before the friend leaves for college, out to Concordia Seward actually. I laid in bed and tried to find an appropriate video to show Wednesday for group.

I’ve been leading the recovery group while the instructor is in Hawaii. I am still trying to decide what to do about this Memorial thing because everyone I’ve talked to about it thinks it’s better to just let that go. But I really wanted to do it.

But if I am doing some of the secretarial stuff at Thrive, then I 1) do not need the hours, and 2) will not have much left to choose from when I consider needing days for individual sessions. I will also have to do homework at some point.

So I don’t know what I’m going to do. I feel like I’ve connected again with the supervisor at Memorial and was excited to go back there and maybe form some connections and get more experience where I could see how I’d changed.

And if I’m being honest there was that part of me that thought it could also be good for business. Like if they liked me there they would send their discharging clients to me. Thrive has had lots of patient referrals lately with no shortage of names.

And really, it’s like I wanted to be able to do groups as a freer person and away from the pressure of the supervisor’s shadow. Which I basically got to do by doing these groups without him there. It just feels like I can’t be totally sure.