I think I am finally over this ridiculous infatuation that’s been taking up way too much headspace for, let’s see, almost a year now. Whenever I’m driving in there my head concocts these conversations. In the middle of the night over the past month or so I’m still thinking about it, what I’m going to say or how I’m going to bring this up. How I’m finally going to say, “You know what? I can’t take this any longer. I’m going to quit.”

Finally I was just like, “God, just give me the words when the time comes. I don’t need to be spinning around or thinking through every possible scenario. Just let me fall asleep.” You know, would you believe that works a lot of times? One of the points of supervision is to be able to talk through your client cases and receive support when you’re starting out. I continue to be amazed by things people carry and deal with in their lives.

So Arya is the new intern this time. It’s nice again to have a student. I’ve been starting to worry that I’m repeating what happened at Contact, where I’m making excuses for the supervisor and taking the new person under my wing. I’m planning on asking for input when I do supervision with the teacher. Like somehow there has to be grace for a person and also the room to say, “Um…so…your flaws are causing suffering for people”.

If I do not get to be done with this loathful school path at the end of these three and half months, I am going to have my personal version of a severe psychotic episode of screaming silently into the void and ripping out every stand of my hair. Hypothetically.

I went to this internship meeting with the faculty and the cohort that is supposed to be graduating next spring. There was information about getting registered for the licensing exam that is only given in October and April. They had better get on it now because it takes several months to get on the testing roster. I had a feeling about this, that somewhere a ball was going to be dropped.

The lady with the non-existent syllabus looked at me with the deer in the headlights look when I asked, “Is there still time for me to get signed up to take the NCE this fall?” The other test I have been studying for on and off for months is no longer part of the program requirements, because too many people were failing it. They’ve switched now to a simpler exam that I still have to take.

The teacher who I had class with before and after that meeting said he was going to follow up with it. I have no idea who to blame. My advisor? This other teacher who is in charge of communication about the tests? Me for not being more on the ball when I knew that this was something I was going to have to do eventually? I asked about the CECE in the spring, but not about the NCE.

I have one semester left and I refuse to do another. All I have to do is get through these next few months and do my homework. If my licensure is delayed I frankly don’t care that much. So I would have to wait a few more months to put this misery behind me.

It was nice to have a day to reset and relax. The boys slept outside in the backyard last night. Elianna dropped off Zorro around 5:45AM so she could go down and work in the kitchen. She’s going to be helping out in the kitchen during the week and on the weekends as needs arise. Fall is still a pretty active time for the camp groups. It’s nice that she has something to do and it gives us more of an excuse and chance to see her.

I folded laundry and the boys did some yard work outside. Josh and I sat on the couch in the morning and drank our coffee and took turns complaining about our work. Or rather, we voiced a few frustrations. I kind of think it’s fine to say those things around your husband or wife. It’s when you’re saying them to everyone else where it seems to be more undesirable. You have to be able to hear and sympathize with each other.

Lauren and I went for a swim in the lake. While we were swimming she noticed a log with six turtles sitting and sunning themselves. I could not believe we were seeing that many. Five of them jumped off on our way past the tree. It doesn’t matter if you’re quiet or not that close they still will hear or see you somehow. On our way back the sixth one jumped off. The surrounding trees are so beautiful. It’s like having your own private pool.