One of the boys came and told me that he desperately needed something to eat. It was lunchtime and he hadn’t eaten very much for breakfast. So once everything was loaded up and unpacked I heated up some leftover from the soup we had Thursday, adding some of the leftover mashed potatoes to make it heartier for him, and we ate lunch all together in the living room. Zorro was there too on his blanket by the sliding door.

Dad had some good ideas on what to do for Advent this year. He had the idea to have screen free evenings in the basement by the fire. We can play board games, or read, or do some readings down there. I asked if this meant I couldn’t blog in the evening and he said we could maybe make some timed exceptions. He said too we could spent time cleaning and getting it ready for the kids to be down there during Christmastime.

I liked all of these ideas. I’m seeing Christmas things around and am nowhere even near there yet. I said to Christmas, “You know, you are going to have to wait. I am not going to jump right into you.” Not because I’m some kind of Advent purist but because it doesn’t feel time yet. It has to feel right before you take out the boxes. This year has truly gone by so fast it hardly seems time for December to be here but the sky is still turning.

I forgot to mentioned that Zorro got lost in the woods for about 15-20 minutes. We had taken a group for a camp walk to get out of the building and into the fresh air. He was running and trotting along living his best life when he ran away at some point. He’s done this before where he sees a deer and darts off. He’d never been away for that long and after we’d looked over at least the main areas, he came up the blind man’s trail.

Josh was there and we were on the phone trying to figure out what to do. So that was a huge relief. It was a good thing we took advantage of the warmer weather because we woke up in the morning to several inches of snow. We took our family photos at 1 and had our Thanksgiving meal meal around 2PM. Thankfully my sister regained some of her bandwidth and was able to emcee the ping pong ball tournament and talent show.

I’m mixing up my times, but I think it was in-between those two things when my brother had the idea of making a giant snowman with the kids. He’s experienced with making giant snowmen. So they were outside for several hours and build an enormous snowman using five gallon buckets to make bricks. Everyone participated and did their part. It delayed the talent show for several hours but the kids will remember this.

It’s been nice to have some sunshine over the past day or two. From what I heard, people were up until anywhere between 1 and 3AM. Josh came to bed around 1 and I woke up enough to ask, “Are the boys in bed?”, to which he answered “yes”. We woke up again to the alarm that was set so we could get egg bakes in to give them enough time to heat through. I feel like freezing food takes some of the flavor out of it.

The rest of the day was a nice mixture of everybody doing their own thing. The sister who normally provides the structure for the activities and serves as the voice of direction for everybody communicated that she did not have the bandwidth to do that or think about that this year. So I think a few people are noticing and missing that but we are making it work. We’ve all had our years where we did not have the bandwidth.

I don’t know what else to mention. The kids are getting older so they all stay up later. It has to be overwhelming for people who aren’t used to it. I did get a feeling like we needed to be more strict with the gaming time. My brother went in and told them to turn things off at 10PM, which they did. I want them to have other memories besides that for their holidays. I’ve learned that it’s good to just enjoy the time together.

We had a good Thanksgiving Day. We went over to my mother-in-law’s house around 11:30. My favorite part is the snacks we have beforehand since usually by then I am pretty hungry after having had the goal to pace myself. The table was set up beautifully and the food was good too. I don’t think my stomach is as big as it used to be, as in I can’t seem to eat as much, seconds and thirds of rolls and potatoes like I used to.

The cousins played ping-pong downstairs. The adults joined too for a short time before the men went back upstairs to watch the Packers game. My brother-in-law is from Wisconsin and so naturally is a very big packers fan. He washed the pots and pans after the meal and loaded the dishes into the dishwasher. The millennial generation of men, that I have seen at least, are much more involved in that kind of holiday kitchen work.

Josh washed the dishes after the later meal with my family. We had a small disagreement because I wanted to wash and not have to put away. I wanted something more mindless. But he said he didn’t want to have to put away either and that washing dishes wasn’t mindless. Yes, it was, I said, but we know how that goes, and I let him have his preferred place. Putting away is harder because you have to know their spots.

*(My brother ended up coming in and being the put away person)

“In a word, our holiness is in heaven, where Christ is; and not in the world, before men’s eyes, like goods in the market place.”
~Martin Luther, Treasury of Daily Prayer~

I woke up to a text from Arya saying the supervisor wasn’t there and also asking if we had group. It was 8:50. Then she said he was there now and I told her I’d slept in and would be there as soon as I could. It was her turn to lead group. I was out the door in six minutes and was mistaken for a drunkard by the new woman who was there today. Not to use crass language, but there are differing levels of drunks.

What I mean is that some have a more advanced or severe stage of the disease, if you use the disease model. This is something I’ve observed. I’d observed it so much that when one woman was trying to tell me she had a drinking problem I almost didn’t believe her because what she was describing seemed nowhere near as bad or deadly as some of the other things I’ve heard. Even so, she meets the criteria.

I would recommend AA for several reasons. The accountability, the support, and perhaps most important, the repeated shame-reducing experience of being accepted by a group of people. The way addictions are fought are through connections with others. If that connection doesn’t happen, although I should never say never, it pretty much means that recovery is an impossibility. And each time it occurs is a miracle.

Today was a good day of shopping and prepping. Miles and Elianna met us at the house around 9:30. From there the five of us drove into town for another Aldi trip. The Thanksgiving meal is the last thing I plan since it’s its own separate thing and is basically the same every year. We spent around $286 at Aldi which put our food total at just under $800. From there we went to Country Market for the rest of the odds and ends.

So by the time that was over we had hit around $850. We picked up a bag of meatballs and tomato sauce for lunch and came home and made rice to go with it. Miles had suggested the meatballs. I still have bags of Covid rice downstairs and in our back office. We’re using some of the rice for Thanksgiving time as well as some of the 50lbs of oats I packed up and saved, I don’t even remember how many pounds it was down there.

It’s all still good though. Dad has some visits to do in the afternoon while the kids and I worked in the kitchen. Everyone was very helpful. Elianna is a natural in the kitchen and knows exactly what to do. I have many memories of us working together for holidays. She and Miles left to go spend supper with his family and for supper here we had some of the food I’d made for later. Every year I feel like we get a better handle on things.

Laura’s mom called and asked if I’d heard from the kids. They weren’t supposed to be coming until Monday night, but they’d texted her and told her to guess where they were headed. I’d told her I’d texted Ethan briefly that morning. I’d remembered they were on break now, was he excited to come home? Yeah, he said, and that was all I’d heard.

She texted me around 6 to let me know they’d gotten there a few minutes ago. She’d told me we could come over and be there too to surprise them. I said I had to work tonight, but that I wouldn’t say anything to anybody in case he was trying to surprise us somehow. Later I heard he’d texted the boys so they could meet after school to run.

Lol. There comes a point where I can’t make any more lists or focus and I will just have to say “Okay, we need things for the charcuterie board and whatever people come back with will do.” Crackers. Grapes. I don’t care. The Monday teacher cancelled class (I love this teacher so much) so I do not have to worry about that. I’m getting excited for people to come and I just love being with my family and am so thankful for them.

For many years I found myself very triggered by Thanksgiving. There was someone I always inevitably ended up in conflict with. If there was a conflict, it was a fairly sure thing that I was involved. It’s a pattern I started to notice as years went on. Not always, but often. One year I was asked to contribute by bringing toilet paper for the family.

I was already driving five hours with five kids and a pastor husband responsible for Thanksgiving services and being at church on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Was it too much to ask to have a little relief by not being asked to do, sacrifice, or bring any more? Could I not just expect to have my basic needs for bathroom items like toilet paper met?

Then there was the year I felt extremely resented for dancing to Justin Bieber in the kitchen before heading out to meet a blog friend. The other women were prepping the food. I was still in “I deserve this break” mode. Most of my siblings didn’t even have kids yet. What would they know about responsibilities and having to be “on” constantly?

It always bothered me that no one seemed to be like, “Wow, Beck, you’re incredible. How are you even functioning right now?” I guess this is all just normal life? To me it felt Herculean and more than normal, but what did I know. And why was I so mad that no one seemed to acknowledge it? It’s definitely a life goal to be free at last from that curse.

Because there’s so much happiness when you really are free from it. So much room for joy to come in and fill up your soul with contentment and gratitude. Your eyes are squinted not because you’re old, but because there’s a permanent smile that lives there. How is it that we are both so precious and dear and yet so free to be the lovers.

We ate and made a lot of food today. After the older boys left for school Dad took Elianna to get the oil changed in her car. She was going to try to YouTube it and do it herself but we convinced her not to do that. While they were out I gathered my recipes and wrote a list. I had two full pages of items by the time they came home. From there the four of us headed out to do a big portion of the Thanksgiving grocery shopping.

I am past the stressed stage and moving into the excitement. The peaceful, grounded, stable kind. We’re into the gloomy phase of November so I’ve been making sure to keep the lights and fall tree plugged in inside. I love seeing leaves all over the ground. There are so many out here you wouldn’t believe. I don’t think I’ve ever really paid attention to when they actually disappear. I just know that by the summer they are no longer there.

We take advantage of the kitchen storage at camp. I have dreams of painting the CGC and dining hall kitchens this winter. The dining hall especially would be a big project. Elianna and I were complimented for the cleaning work we’d done in the kitchen. It needed to be done before certain weekend groups came. So that was nice that work had served it’s purpose, which was to make a better experience for the people coming.

The neighbors across the street have their Christmas lights up. I went inside and told Dad and the kids that they had to come see them so they did. We call them “the rich neighbors” because they have a huge house with horses. Dad said not to call them that. But anyway everyone came out and it was kind of fun because outside it was pitch black and yet we all were walking through the pine trees toward the road to see the lights.

Then we stood at the road in what felt like one of those innocent movie family moments. Casper had followed us and one of the boys picked him up and cradled him saying, “Aw, Dip, you’re such a good boy”. We were walking back and I pulled out my phone because I was thinking there’d be puddles. There weren’t, but at least we could see. It poured the other day in the afternoon for just a very short time.