For many years I found myself very triggered by Thanksgiving. There was someone I always inevitably ended up in conflict with. If there was a conflict, it was a fairly sure thing that I was involved. It’s a pattern I started to notice as years went on. Not always, but often. One year I was asked to contribute by bringing toilet paper for the family.

I was already driving five hours with five kids and a pastor husband responsible for Thanksgiving services and being at church on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. Was it too much to ask to have a little relief by not being asked to do, sacrifice, or bring any more? Could I not just expect to have my basic needs for bathroom items like toilet paper met?

Then there was the year I felt extremely resented for dancing to Justin Bieber in the kitchen before heading out to meet a blog friend. The other women were prepping the food. I was still in “I deserve this break” mode. Most of my siblings didn’t even have kids yet. What would they know about responsibilities and having to be “on” constantly?

It always bothered me that no one seemed to be like, “Wow, Beck, you’re incredible. How are you even functioning right now?” I guess this is all just normal life? To me it felt Herculean and more than normal, but what did I know. And why was I so mad that no one seemed to acknowledge it? It’s definitely a life goal to be free at last from that curse.

Because there’s so much happiness when you really are free from it. So much room for joy to come in and fill up your soul with contentment and gratitude. Your eyes are squinted not because you’re old, but because there’s a permanent smile that lives there. How is it that we are both so precious and dear and yet so free to be the lovers.