It was a good first day of work. Everyone has been super kind and supportive. The people there seem to like each other and get along for the most part. The transition from intern to non-intern feels pretty seamless so far. You’ve basically doing what you’ve already been doing except it’s in a different place. I saw my first couple today and I think it went alright. That was the weirdest part, the nearly ten year age gap.

I felt young in comparison, and like they wondered if someone like me could really help. This was my first time having to get history from two people at once, but not the first time in trying to keep the session moving and on point with time. There’s often so much they want to jump in and talk about. I have learned and learned again today that you do not ask what brought them in until you have asked the rest of the needed questions.

The hour goes fast. I am feeling something but cannot necessarily pinpoint what it is. I think it has to do with the nature of this professional revolving around forming relationships with many people. These people come in looking for help and with hope that something in their life and ways of experiencing being alive can change. I am not afraid to suffer with people but I am in some ways afraid of what it takes to get there.

Because it takes time and getting comfortable with people. It takes love and attunement and caring more about what people say. It takes trusting the process and not getting caught up in your head about doing things right or saying things wrong. In school we talked a lot about here and now counseling and it was mostly just a term to me. But I can see how that is needed guide. You attend to what is coming up in the moment.

With couples especially I feel an extra pressure to make “progress”. But I think if I can concentrate on making the hour a good experience, on helping the couple feel and experience connection during the time there, then maybe that will be enough to keep those hours working for them. I am a very cerebral person and not always quick to enter into what I’m feeling. It’s a mix of sweet and bittersweet, gratitude and hoping.