One time I walked outside and found the boys in the highest level of the CGC pine tree. According to them, there were fourteen levels. They terrified me this way more than once, and even when I wanted them to be free to explore, my preference was to have them on sturdier ground. They’d be up on the roof or making swings in the clearing.

It was all very nice but it gave me anxiety. It’s a shame how much time I have spent being anxious but it never seemed to be something I could control. One of the boys now wants to buy and have a chainsaw and I’m wondering why I have to keep growing and stretching like this. I know everyone has to learn somehow and start somewhere.

I aometimes feel like I don’t have energy to parent anymore. I used it all up. But I can’t show up that way for long and feel satisfied with the way I’m living. I have to spend time with them and facilitate quality time and connection. That is when I feel the fullest and happiest with life and how I’ve chosen to live it, when the gifts have been enjoyed again.