I am realizing how much the boys have filled a deep need for closeness that is changing in time as they are growing and getting older. I thought with the first one I had made some kind of mistake, that I had pushed him away with my…I don’t even know.

Yes you do, he would say. It drove me nuts because it forces people to keep talking. I thought with the first one I had pushed him away with my frustration and paranoia and just overall dysregulation and inexperience as a mother. But that isn’t the case now.

I think it’s just them getting older. I used to think, “It isn’t like this with the other boys, but they haven’t hit puberty yet.” Why does normal life development have to change so many things? I love you, boys. I love you doesn’t even come close to describing it.

(*Bobs: Some silly thing they made up)