I’ve discovered that what keeps pain alive is constant connection to one’s self. It’s easy to see when I am the outsider, and I can sit there and think gosh, I am not going to let these kind of inevitable misunderstandings and hurts take over such control of my life and relationship ever again. But in the moment the pain is real and the requires some kind of delicate handling so as not to carelessly inflict any more.

The same is true for desires, which can become a source of pain for a person, which again continues because of that connection or attachment. The wounds and desires of a person feed off of that person and remain alive in a way that keeps pain ongoing. A friend was telling me about “the Jesus box” that her counselor utilizes in sessions. It sounds completely stupid until you think about it more. I think I like it.

There has to be a healing that can take place, and a cessation of the repetitive hurting. We used to write out our sins on a piece of paper and watch as they burned at the foot of the cross. I understood the concept, but not the impact. The same idea, I think, can be used for grievances. Let’s pause for a moment, write these down, get them off of our chest and out from inside of us where they can be aired and taken away.

There is no rehashing. There is no taking sides. There is no acting as some sort of judge who is going to decide where most of the fault lies. I really think it has to start there, particularly in cases where there is a colossal heap of hurt. And if someone doesn’t like the Jesus box that is fine but the concept and truth is still the same. This is not going to fix or resolve itself while two people are carrying and impacted by pain.

We surrender these things for Jesus to carry so that our flesh is no longer their source of aliveness.