I started going down the rabbit hole of wondering where my present issues are coming from. Was it mom’s this, my dad’s that, my husband’s x,y,z, and all the things. At this point they all seem like plausible reasons, but none of those things gives me hope for a better tomorrow. It sounds like a dramatic way to say it but what I mean by better tomorrow is the hope for a changed experience of living as myself, as this person I am.

I have thought about closing off parts of my mind. Like if your mind is a universe or like a land you see in video games, you basically would leave 90% of the world uninhabited and stick to this little10% of happy lands. There is no reason to explore the universe because earth is right here and was made for us to live on. Everything we need is right here. We wouldn’t even have to know there was anything else out there to encounter.

I (Ug, the I’s…) keep telling myself that’s all it would take. You forget about 90% of the universe because most of it is just open space anyway. To explore it takes too much time, too much money, too much risk of shuttles blowing up and burning upon reentry. We were made for earth’s atmosphere. The atmosphere was made for us so we could see the sky and breathe and live on earth without dying, without forgetting about God.