I’m seriously contemplating quitting my nursing job. It’s been great to have cut back as I did already, and I thought that amount of letting go would be enough. But now I am not sure. The creeping dread is coming back, along with the wishing I did not have to miss the boys’ indoor meet this Saturday, or not be as present for the camp pancake breakfast. Before it just seemed like there would always be more meets. Now it seems like this is something more so I want to make time for.

To be honest, there is a small amount of status I am hanging on to. My husband and kids are not the least bit impressed with the job or the position, but telling people I am also a nurse is usually something that impresses them. It is something I am proud of and consider part of my identity.

I am thinking still that I want to make something happen more at Thrive. And if not there, then somewhere else. It is almost like I need to let go of the nursing so I can continue evolving. There are only so many hours in a week, only so many energy pods in your body and even that small amount of time on my calendar is taking up space. I need that time to spread out into other things. New things come into your life and the old things need to move around and sometimes need to be let go.

With a grandbaby coming I need time to have weekends free to travel. It sounds like I’ve convinced myself and already made up my mind but I’m still wondering whether or not this would be the best decision. There likely would be no getting my spot back, with this specific shift and household.

I would miss the money and would be glad for what I’ve made so far. I feel proud of myself for putting myself again through school, and using my job to pay for the bills. To give it up the first time there was no regret or hesitation. But this time I hesitate and wonder now about regret. There aren’t even any outdoor track meets on Saturdays, at least not for high school. We have a trip planned to see a meet next month which I told Hope about when I started. I think it’ll end up being worth it.