Overall the month went really well. I did not experience those pains I know so well and felt stable in times when I usually don’t. As I type I am still not positive whether or not this Katrina woman is going to be arriving at the camp sometime this weekend. It’s gone from renting a truck to having no money to driving her own car to being $60 over-drafted. If she can get here we will house her and her dog in one of the buildings.

Even with the minimal dealings I’ve had with people with major attachment disorders, where people try to give them love and it turns out to be this terribly draining, crushing thing, I still think, “Well, maybe loving her will help.” You see it with adoptions. I’ve seen it with a couple who inherited their damaged adopted grandson after being molested by his adopted father, their son. You see it with addicts who have everything there.

The food. The support. The willingness to understand. And it’s still not enough to heal whatever damage that’s happened. People ruin their lives for things like this or end up feeling like their lives have been ruined. I’m hoping at some point that she can be reunited with her parents who I do think would take her back. But anyway, first she needs a tank of gas. I told her to go to the gas station and ask someone if they’d fill her tank.

That’s what we did in Hoyleton with the beggars because you never know if they’re using money for drugs. She says she isn’t on any. I would like to believe her, that the little girl whose face is looking up at me from my waist is somehow telling the truth. Everyone she asks there says they have nothing to give her. I think how hard is it to find $50 to fill your gas tank? Or to find a single soul or will pay the money to fill it for you?

How do that many people have not even that much money? And how does one person have no more resources, nothing left? The unemployment was supposed to come through today but didn’t. But she says she cannot wait another day. I don’t know what to tell her other than that I will be here and if she can get here I will work with her and we will help her however we are meant to do so.