Casper didn’t get up when we came outside. He was still in his milk crate and did not look happy. Later after our walk he still was there. About 90% of the time, the abscesses get better on their own. But his was not getting better and now he was acting sick. None of the walk-in animal places were open so we took him to the Springfield Animal ER. They sedated him then drained and cleaned the wound and gave him an antibiotic.
So he’s supposed to stay inside if possible for the next few days so we can keep an eye on him and keep him out of the elements. The first time this happened with another cat they said flies and gnats can get in there and lay eggs, depending on what time of the year it is. While we were out this evening I stopped by Walgreens to look for pre-filled saline syringes. Instead I found a normal saline wound wash spray. I’m going to clean it the same way I was doing with the tunnel wound at Concordia. Twice a day, normal saline flush.
This wouldn’t be a bad abscess protocol here. They said he should be feeling better within 24-48 hours. I had the heater on in our room where I took a nap this afternoon. The doctor said when it comes to exercise to do 50% of what I think I can do and that I was still young to have those kinds of limits. So I’ve been thinking about the 50% and what that means, and what it would look like to apply that to other things as well. I could try it.
I’ve been thinking lately that there are things in my life that could change or improve in ways that would only require just a little bit of effort. This started in the Kohl’s fitting room when I caught a glimpse of my face up close. Fitting room mirrors aren’t usually kind, but with taking into account those adjustments I thought, “Why don’t I care more about my physical appearance? Why am I still so inept? Why haven’t I learned?”
And so I said to Elianna, “One YouTube video a week. That’s all we would have to do.” To commit and apply ourselves to learning some new hairstyle, fashion tip, or eyebrow grooming technique. Going to her wasn’t anything against her own beauty or style, but an effort to have a friend to learn alongside of. I don’t think she was totally against it, but it wasn’t the enthusiastic response I was hoping for. I think she’d do it though.
And then again when everyone was here for her birthday. We have a chalkboard in the dining room that has morphed over the years with the different seasons. It now serves as a giant family calendar, separated into days, evenings, and mornings. If there is something going on it goes on the calendar. Dad to Pittsfield. Dad to Salem. 7PM Elders. LuHigh. No one was here when for weeks it was two days a week Mom Work 7-3.
But that was a different kind of feeling. It was the self-consciousness from feeling like you have nothing to show for your work, when you’re around those you think could never fully understand. There was already one doctor’s appointment up on the board. I’d crossed off another, not wanting them to see two. But the time was still there. “Oh, do you work tomorrow, Rebekah?” No. I’d told them I’d be freer again after this week.
The same thing happened again while we were sitting around the table eating supper. The topic of homeschooling came up. And it’s never the things that I remember. They didn’t get grades. We just skipped our math because we didn’t know how to do it. One didn’t even do math through all of seventh grade. All we had to do was do our work and the rest of the day was free to do whatever. One was bored for three months straight.
We had a talk on the way home. And though it was not my intent to make anyone feel bad, nor was it theirs, I did have to tell them that homeschooling, that motherhood in general, was something I had put my heart and soul into, that I had given the most energetic years of my life for. And it wasn’t about grades, it was about being a family and enjoying time with your parents in a way that many children never experience.
And about work ethic, and the real-life experiences of resolving conflicts, and having chores. And not being cooped up in a far away building for seven hours. And again, getting to actually see and spend time with your parents because the time you have with them in your life is actually very short, and then you grow up and that time is over. I don’t know how well I expressed all this then. They wouldn’t understand it even now.
So no, I am not working tomorrow, nor am I currently applying for my dream job as a Synod higher-up in an education position with a resume of relevant and actually very impressive work experience. She’d be perfect for it and I hope she gets it if that’s God’s plan. I spent my morning today decided and determined that I really do just need to make another series of meal plans. They can repeat every two weeks. It’s that simple.
And I opened up my email to get to my google docs tab where I was going to type out weekdays and food ideas. But before I did that I scanned my emails and clicked on the Substack post from a fellow Lutheran mom. In her post, she linked to another Substack post about writing. It was called Women and Christian Publishing by Jen Pollack Michael. I read the article and skimmed through the comments. I’m still digesting my thoughts.
So that was probably 30 minutes, who knows. But I came away with sense of peace about where I am at. I am here with my family still growing and changing. And while some things have gotten easier, some things, like meal planning and keeping up with the food, continue to be challenging as we all still require daily meals to sustain us. I have let all that go now, my heart full in knowing that I have nothing more to prove.
Much of the day was spent out at the farm. We went over around lunchtime. The kids and I played a dice game before it was time to eat. There’d been some excitement throughout the morning when one of my nieces discovered there was water leaking from one of the downstairs ceiling lights. The contractor sent his guys over right away to figure out what was going on. They were over there cutting holes in the ceiling and bedroom drywall trying to determine where the leak was coming from.
They finally determined it was coming from the master bathroom shower. It turns out the tile guy is going to have to tear out all the tile and then completely redo it. The contractor was very embarrassed and apologetic but insistent that the problem would get fixed. My mother-in-law really wasn’t too worried about it. There’ve been several kinks like this that have needed worked out since she moved in to the house.
They’d bought some chicken and pulled pork from Sam’s Club, so we had sandwiches, chips, fruit, and Girl Scout Cookies for dessert. The chicken was really good. I don’t know what it is with pulled pork anymore but it has become one of those meals that I do not get excited about it. I really don’t like to complain about any food, but sometimes you just have something so often as it becomes the go to meal for every church function or family gathering. Food is hard, it’s just one of those things.
We spent the afternoon hanging out and playing outside. The kids set up a badminton net along with some other yard games. Three of us took a walk along the distance of the lane, so a mile. That was the most I’d walked since feeling better again this time. I have some more exercise thoughts and ideas but I will save those for another time. My mother-in-law and I stayed inside while the others were outside more.
She and I eventually walked out to the creek. They have a small cemetery along the border of the property. She said people used to come on occasion and wish to visit but that now no one comes. The others had walked out there to see it, as my nieces had never been out there. It’s surrounded by a stone wall and Josh’s dad used to burn the inside of it to keep the grass from growing too tall. We sat on the patio steps and watched them all walk back from across the field. It was another nice day.
“You comin’?, he asked me. “Yeah, I said, wondering what time it was, “what time do you want to leave?” It was 5:38 and he wanted to leave at 5:45. “Well, go get dressed”, he said. I’d changed back into my green Christmas pajama pants. Elianna and I had been out earlier taking her shopping for shorts. We finally found some at Kohl’s and then went to McAllister’s for lunch, which is where we occasionally go when out.
The oppressive sleepiness that comes in the spring has returned, at least it showed up for me today. I took a nap this afternoon and felt better. I came back out to the couch and read for a while. While doing so he’d come and sat down on the other side of the couch next to me. I love when he does that. They say you’re supposed to express to husbands when they’re doing something you like. “This makes me happy”, I said.
Not long after I thought maybe I should’ve been more specific and not had it be so much about me, something more like, “I love it when you sit down and relax, when we can just be and enjoy the other person’s company.” But I said what I said. I kept on reading and he Facebooked for a time before closing the computer and falling asleep. His mom gave us their old living room couch and ottoman and they’re so much nicer.
The old one made my his crooked unless I was sitting exactly in between the cushions. The boys had broken the pull out bed that was with it and so that didn’t hasn’t worked right either for a while. But this was one also has a pullout couch that isn’t broken. we drove to church and it was soup night for the Lenten meal. I wasn’t terribly hungry, still being full from my sandwich at lunchtime. They gave us a container of some leftovers.
Dad had to leave to get dressed and ready. After church I spoke to the woman behind me and we chit chatted as we occasionally do. Her son and his family would be coming in for Easter, so she had cleaning to do. Not understanding, I asked, “You mean you still have to clean when it’s only the two of you?” She laughed, and said “Oh yes”. I guess there is a lot of dust still. I told her I’d be happy to come over and help. She laughed.
We celebrated my daughter’s 17th birthday this evening. Her birthday was actually yesterday, but there were things going on. She and Dad were driving home from Nebraska after taking Ethan back on Sunday. One of her birthday presents was going to see Dune in the Ravoli theater in Seward, which they did Sunday night. The boys and I were pretty much bums and hung out.
They wanted to stay up all night, and hounded me again until I forcefully said “Fine!” They’ve lived a different life with me and that hardly ever happens where I get exasperated or impatient. But when it does they’re not happy because they want me to be happy when I say yes, not mad at them somehow. I don’t remember what was said but we eventually worked it out.
I woke up to the sound of minor discord around 1:30. I went downstairs and they were playing their computer games. One was upset about something and I said, “Alright, it’s time for bed.” They didn’t fight me about it and they all settled down in different places in the school room. They slept in until about 9 or even later. All of the rest of the kids are on spring break this week.
We went out to run errands and drove through Chick-fil-A for lunch. We were home in tie to put up some decorations before Josh and Elianna were home around 2. That way we were at least acknowledging the birthday on the actual day. I had class that evening which was the main reason we weren’t doing it then. I called my mother-in-law to see if she wanted to come over on Tuesday.
She said yes and that my sister-in-law and brother-in-law and their girls were going to be in town too for their spring break. So they were all over tonight and it was fun. Our birthday songs were more robust with more singers. Dad and the boys worked on boiling more sap today. I went to the store and shopped for food and with joy and ease all pitched in with the food and cleaning.
The cabins all have Bible names. The girls cabins are Esther, Rebekah, Elizabeth, Hannah, Miriam, Sarah, Mary, Rachel, and Eve. There used to be a cabin Naomi but a tree fell on top of it and smashed it. The boys cabins are cabin Enoch, Solomon, Joshua, Jonathan, David, and Daniel. There used to be a cabin Stephen that was turned into a pavilion because the chimney was falling over so they tore it down.
Cabin Ruth is first aid. There used to be a lot more girl campers than boy campers. There still are usually more girls, but the ratio of boys and girls seems more even to me now. The worst was during square dancing when the girl counselors would usually have to be boys, so you would never get to actually dance with the real ones.
One cabin isn’t a Bible name. It’s cabin Sasse which is actually the nicest boys cabin. It was built by the family of the maintenance man who used to work here. They wanted it named after him. The cabin that matches it, Eve, was supposed to be named after another family where the dad was the director for many years. But they didn’t want anything named after them. I like Sasse though. I wouldn’t change it.
She startled me when I came up the stairs. I saw her standing outside the door, bent over petting the cat. I’d told the boys we had to clean. I rested for about a half hour and gave them tasks to work on in the meantime. Tidy the shoes. Sweep the mudroom and kitchen. Empty both of the downstairs dehumidifiers. Vacuum the school room. One even cleaned the bathroom without me having to ask.
I opened the door for her, not sure how long she had been there. She said she was trying to not let Dipstick inside. He still hangs out close by the front. He’s also had two recent abscesses near his tail. One recently healed and now there is another one. We still need to take him into the vet soon anyway, I just have not gotten around to doing that. She came inside and I told her the boys were downstairs.
Dad and I drove into town to pick up the pizzas. This whole thing has me wondering how involved we’re supposed to be. I would love to be the one giving all the advice. Asking, “What are you going to do?” You should take her on a walk, down to main camp where the lights are. I suppose there’s room for some of that, but then thought too, that so much of what’s special is going on your own journey.
Sometimes I torture myself, and apparently others, by playing Phil Collins songs on repeat. Torture is probably too strong of a word but one of the boys did ask how many weeks I’d been playing it. I know it hasn’t been that long and there are definitely other songs I’ve rotated. I did something I hardly ever do, I actually don’t think I’ve ever done this. I told him if he didn’t like it he was more than welcome to go somewhere else.
It was one of those, “Well that escalated quickly” situations. There was nothing escalated about it. He looked a little surprised, but I wasn’t mad, and he didn’t seem to be either. In fact, we both then kind of laughed wondering what that was all about. I was on the couch and he was on the chair trying to write a conclusion. I’m not sure what’s going on with school but everyone needs help with their homework lately.
“Mom? You gonna be on there most of the night?”, referring to one of three laptops we share, especially in the evenings when they’re in high demand. Another one texts to communicate, another is waiting for Dad, who came home and told me one of the cooks called and said the debit card wasn’t working. The boys are back upstairs, and there’s nothing more. I tell him no, I won’t be long. All I’ve got to do is write this down.
We went to church in Auburn tonight. The youth were in charge of the Lenten meal and helping to lead certain parts of the service. Josh was asked to come and talk about camp after church. Dad and the boys and I left around 5 to pick up Elianna from the track at the old high school. Ethan was there helping with baseball practice. They have a sweet little church community there.
I had so much to say earlier but now just don’t have the energy to write any of it out. All day long I have wanted to write but did not have a good stretch of time to do so. This morning Ethan and I went and visited Jeremiah’s grave. I was not expecting it to still be unmarked. The cemetery is huge and we wouldn’t have found the site at all had it not been for the cemetery office that gave us a name map.
The boys had piano practice today. We came home from that and I laid down before it was time to leave for church. One of the boys has a social studies project he’s working on where he has to make a travel brochure for a South American country. His is Columbia. I said I would help him but he’d have to come in our room. I had more energy again today so I was thankful for that.
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