Besides the fact that people in the olden days didn’t even have access to these kind of lavish home libraries. Most people didn’t have books at all. So I don’t know where I get this idea from that I’m supposed to be reading on a regular basis and if I’m not then I’m living a sub-par life. Understanding this does not take away my desire to read but it at least helps me relax a little in knowing that reading a book a week is not a necessity.
The kids have the day off school for election day. I decided early on that they were going to spend the morning cleaning. I get having a lived in house and adjusting your expectations to not require perfection but I can’t get over believing that it’s not unrealistic to have a decently tidy home where kids are participating in the cleaning up process. They are all very capable and I appreciate their help and when things are mostly picked up.
I can’t remember where I read or even heard this somewhere, but it was something about adjusting your expectations when it comes to reading. Instead of being paralyzed or discouraged by your larger than life to-read list, consider adopting the idea that not everything on your to-read list needs to be read fully. For example, you can pick up a magazine in a doctor’s office and read an article and still have come away making a significant contribution toward the health and exercise of your mental faculties.
It’s kind of a pet peeve of mine lately to see people on social media talking about the book stacks. It’s really more of an outdated pet peeve as I cannot think of any specific examples at the moment but I remember feeling this way. Like there’s no way somebody is actually reading all those. And if they are then there’s no way they could be fully taking them in. Somewhere there’s probably somebody who actually is doing all that but I don’t think that’s the norm.
So this person was talking about getting used to having your book stacks, but not expecting to read every book from start to finish. So then you think, “Okay, but isn’t that just a sign of the way our brains and attention spans have been hijacked since the invention of the internet?” But so what if it is? I get so frustrated at times with not being able to finish books. I lose interest or the mood changes or I just don’t feel the desire to read. But even when all the right things are in place my brain just feels too tired to read.
I chalk it up to not having discipline but is discipline really the issue here? It’s all about those seasons again. Whatever season this is, it’s not a reading deeply season. Just the thought makes exhausted. But can I, like whoever this person is was saying, read parts of the magazine or parts of the book? Absolutely I can. And when I look at my bookshelves and see most of these books, I could get discouraged thinking there’s no way I’ll ever be able to read all of these.
But perhaps the greater truth is that I have already read parts of pretty much all of them (speaking of the books that I haven’t read fully). What is so wrong with that? Why is that to me a failure? To me, as I am thinking of it now, reading part of a book is still better than reading nothing at all. Your brain is still getting nutrients and your mind getting exercise. So I guess my overall point in all this is that there’s something to be said about adjusting your expectations so you’re not as often so frustrated with yourself.
(I’m not completely convinced, but I’ll let it try to sink in.)
One of the boys has come down with a fever. He’s been sick on and off for over a month, beginning with a fever which went away but then became this lingering sinus congestion that I thought maybe was allergies. Kids experience illness enough times in their childhoods that you become less concerned with the colds and the sniffles.
But the fevers do still get my attention. The other stuff does too, but I think too you reach an almost subconscious point where you’re not going to add anything else to life’s load unless that thing turns out to be a necessity, like going in to a doctor. Because medications can be such an avenue for relief you will not hear me demonize them.
That’s not the same thing as thinking there aren’t issues with drug companies. I used to be completely fascinated with drugs. I wanted to know how each one worked, it’s chemical makeup, and all of the potential side effects and interactions. In school they paint it like you should actually know significant details about the drugs you are giving.
I don’t know, what else. It was a pretty decent Sunday as far as Sundays go. Josh did not have to preach anywhere so that was nice. Not too long ago he told me he’d messed up and accidently over-scheduled himself for almost every Sunday from right before Thanksgiving until the end of Christmas. I cried but then realized I had to have grace.
This morning he said he was going back to a monthly layout in his planner where he can see the whole month instead of just being able to see a week at a time. We went to church and took two cars because they hold their confirmation class after Bible on Sundays. He tried to get out of it and asked about teaching it at home but was told no.
I mean it wasn’t rude or anything it was just one of those things where the pastor preferred to have our son go through the class. So he and Dad did that and I took the other kids home after stopping by the store for lunch food and a few other meals. Everyone was more tired today and we noticed the difference in daylight by evening.
The bigger kids and I drove to Elmwood this morning for the sectional meet. We’ve been there a couple of times in the past and it’s always nice to be familiar with the course. The night before while we were out for a rehearsal dinner, we stopped by Party City and purchased a dozen filled helium* balloons in school colors. I thought it was so funny and every time I saw the bunch of balloons I had to laugh. We brought them with us.
The rehearsal was fine but I didn’t want to go to the wedding. I feel bad that I have grown somewhat indifferent about these things. Dad was doing the service and the younger boys were dressed up in matching outfits as “ring security”. I should’ve gone, and was in the process of convincing myself to get dressed when something happened between me and one of the kids. If I’m already on the fence about not wanting to do something and then something like that happens, I get knocked off the fence.
And for whatever reason, I could not overcome myself enough for me to go. So the rest of the kids left and I fell asleep. After that I eventually got up and cleaned up the kitchen and then the living room while listening to Joe Rogan’s interview with J.D. Vance then for a while read An Ocean Vast of Blessing by Steven Cone while still listening. They came back later and said they’d had a good time. It was still a decent day even so.
(From dictionary.com and sciencenotes.org: helium is a colorless, odorless, nonflammable gas that is the second most abundant element in the universe. The most abundant element is hydrogen)
Josh came into the room and asked what I thought about getting Elianna a dog. He told me to disagree and tell him it was a terrible idea. The answer to the dog question has always been a firm no, like an absolutely not, but he has never been the one who asked.
I was like, “Well, why?” He said because she’s wanted one for so long. I’ve watched my siblings get dogs and they’re not exactly low-maintenance animals, plus I know nothing about dogs. While at Hannibal I told her to pay attention to what makes her excited.
She said she gets excited when she sees a dog. And when she gets to help with the cats. Shadow was the first one we ever took care of, flushing the bite with warm water and diluted drops of lavender because that was supposedly an oil used to cleanse the skin.
But what’s going to happen in winter when it’s snowy and cold and I’m feeling sorry for it? There’s no way we can have a dog that big in the house, I cannot let anymore animals in. The deal is supposedly the dog would live outside and could use the garage.
So I don’t know what’s going on right now. He strangely asked about getting a dog and I strangely acted like I was basically fine with it.
I’m sleepy today after a night of rainfall. The boys woke up and thought it’d be a good day to miss school. I was working on my handout for the morning Zoom call I had scheduled. They know they don’t have to try to hard to get me to give into them but I do at least make them give me some reasons. Instead of school we could bake. The one went and brought some cookbooks into the living room. I know when it’s over that these are the moments I will cry over missing.
They worked at the table while I had my meeting. We compromised on two subjects, which I learned when I asked another what school subjects they’d done. Bible and Science. In science they’re learning about the stars and it’s kind of confusing he said. I said “Ooo, I will have to look at your book.” I want to read what it says. He doesn’t understand how the big dipper is supposed to be a bear. We still do Social Studies together but the Science and Math fell away.
I told them we could make Irish soda bread, which did not require yeast or a trip to the store. We’d have results in time to be done by lunch when Dad could also enjoy the creation. It’s normally a St. Patrick’s Day thing but Halloween works too. I agree with them and understand where they’re coming from, that those times when the weather turns inspire you to do something different and celebrate the occasion. I’m trying to be present but also am texting with Miles’ mother.
Josh got a text last night with a prayer request for one of the homeschool community families they know. A high school aged daughter had been diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer and was having emergency surgery today. A mom of four from Hoyleton was diagnosed with stage 4, and again I’m not understanding any of this. We mixed the flour and tablespoon of baking soda and goat kefir for buttermilk. I read them directions as they kneaded the dough on the table.
Now I’m resting in bed, still able to see leaves from here. I could make a career out of fasting and prayers, or at least live a full life taken up with them. Dad comes in to pick out a book for his afternoon nap which I am proud that he takes. Before he leaves I ask the question, if he can make me some tea. He brings it back. Do I want the heat on or windows open he asked me earlier when he was back after his morning leadership class. Windows open, I said, not ready to close them.
I finally just asked the moms if I could take a video of our kid sessions. For our class we need to show six videos. Two regular ones are in front of the whole class. Two are privately with just you and the teacher. One is a bigger presentation in front of the class. And the other is the faculty panel demonstrating basic skills. Once you pass the panel you don’t have to do that one again.
Thankfully they said yes. These are just for the ones between me and the teacher so nobody else is going to see them. The kids were excited and seemed to enjoy being filmed. There’s really no way to pretend you’re not being watched when there are video cameras in almost every room. You just act like you normally would and eventually just forget about the cameras even being there.
Something about this place makes me terrified of being betrayed. You can think that you’re forming good relationships with people and that they’re comfortable and basically decent and wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. Just because Jesus loved people didn’t mean they didn’t do things to eventually hurt and kill him. With Judas it seems like, you hope it was easier since he knew what would happen.
And it works both ways. Something mentioned all the time in classes is informed consent. It’s when you’re operating under the agreement that whatever is said between the two of you stays between the two of you unless it becomes a matter of physical safety for them or another person. I’ve forgotten to mention that a couple of times but am trying to remember to say that to them now.
The boys and I went on a field trip with the homeschool group this morning. It was to Lincoln’s New Salem which is a town Abraham Lincoln lived in before he was president. Once we arrived the boys started listing all the times they’ve been here. Some with Grandma, some with me, many I didn’t remember but I was thankful that they did. The weather was absolutely perfect on this almost 80 degree day.
The leaves are falling now. I was entranced walking the sidewalks and taking pictures of the colors. We have these opposing characteristics where it seems like every good trait I have is balanced out with a negative that is somehow connected. Sometimes the trait that grows depends on the environment, so that what’s considered negative shrinks and the positive grows or vice versa. But sometimes they seem to grow together.
We didn’t stay for the picnic. The Athens Blacktop which forms the main road to get to New Salem is finally open again for driving. Every so often they block a part of it off for construction which turns a strait line into zig zag out in the country. Abraham Lincoln is my favorite present because he seems to have been a nice person. He also had a hard life and hard decisions to make as president but he did his best.
With cross country being over now I’m looking forward to having more time for my internship sites. With Contact especially, I need more time there to be able to meet with people. The evenings have started to feel a bit wearisome, in that I don’t like so often having some place to go. But at the same time, it is a season, and just like every season they eventually change.
For my presentation we are supposed to present on a theory. I like learning about the different counseling theories but question sometimes how practical they are when meeting in person. The point is to find something that lines up with your worldview. There were absolutely none that stood out to me as glowing, comprehensive, all-encompassing theories.
But over the summer I found one that I actually liked and made me excited. It’s called Relational-Cultural Theory and is based on the idea that individual happiness and well-being is tied to a person’s amount of involvement in growth-fostering relationships. It was developed by a woman who felt like the conventional ways of treating women were majorly missing the mark.
The theories developed by men of the day placed too much emphasis on the self (an exception to this is John Bowlby and his pioneering research studying mother-infant bonds). Carl Rogers’ person-centered therapy was great, however, for giving therapists the words for what fosters growth in others 1) empathy, 2) genuineness, and 3) unconditional positive regard.
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