It was another good day at work. I have to keep saying that to get used to it. For the first two hours I worked on the treatment plans and got caught up with my “to-do’s”. The next two sessions were the couples and I continue to be amazed that I am actually doing this. One of the Gottman interventions they teach is called Dreams Within Conflict. It’s for when couples are gridlocked on an significant issue and cannot agree.

So I am going to go back and review that. They brought that up so many times. I started imagining a person and how when anyone is disagreeing we’re often starting with our reasons. But often our reasons are deeper. So then you move down from the head to the heart and that is the place where you will find your desires. Even deeper than the heart would be your gut level values which are the parts of you that cannot be changed.

The point is not to solve the problem but to get them talking about it in a deeper way, to move “from gridlock to dialogue”. They (the Gottmans) talk a lot about “honoring each other’s dreams”. So while our deepest values are more likely to be fixed and immovable, it does not mean that new values cannot be developed and added, so that eventually part of your values in partnership is to know and honor each other’s dreams.