I did not end up going back down to the movie. I opted instead to go to bed and was grateful for another decent night’s sleep. Everyone came back a little after 11 and the stirring woke me up briefly but not for long. With it being a holiday most of us slept in. The cooks had the day off and Dad had made plans to grill for lunch. During staff training it’s normal for our family and the counselors to eat together here and there.

The four boys went for a run this morning. The Concordia kids are back to their training plans. They get two full weeks off of running once school is out. The first couple of weeks start out pretty easy and their workouts depend on their eventual mileage number that peaks somewhere toward the end of the fall cross country season. So they only had to run two miles today and did that out on the bike trail away from traffic.

I had breakfast ready when they all came back. Laura is working at camp this summer and she and Ethan have been over for supper a few times. Sometimes the staff goes out to eat or they’re supposed to find leftovers or use the food that’s in the kitchen. They don’t seem to like having to cook for themselves. I’d really like to give the CGC kitchen a good deep clean but did not end up getting over there again today to do that.

This afternoon we worked a little bit on the downstairs. Dad worked on the outside back yard and I was trying to tackle the mountain of laundry after the boys had put most of their stuff there after camping. There’d been a misunderstanding. They thought I’d said everything needed to be washed after being outside. I was wondering why they’d put their stuff there and was thinking that most of it didn’t need to be washed.

I did end up washing most of it. This way it’d be fresh and we all knew next time they wouldn’t have to put their blankets there. It really isn’t hard for certain things to get neglected which is why certain areas end up looking like they do. I really can’t explain why this is but if there isn’t regular purging and getting rid of things we don’t need, then things just continue to accumulate and fill the spaces. I was looking again at the books.

The ones I kept were the ones I was sure I wasn’t able to part with. Just glancing at them again I think I could probably give away about a third of them now. It made me think about how letting go often comes in stages. What was not okay before, or what once seemed impossible, somehow changes and the feelings are different. It’s good to notice how it happens like this because it helps us to have patience with ourselves and others.

Normally I would’ve wanted to go down to the beach today but it’s still been a little bit cold for swimming. Dad and I picked a book for us to read over the summer. We were trying to come up with a plan for us to do to stay connected. It really doesn’t have to be a whole lot, just something that is registering to one another as thought and effort. This wasn’t at all what I was going to write about. I’d try again but I probably won’t right now.

We had a good turnout for the hog roast today. After a while I went back to the house. I did visit with several groups of people and individuals. The people from our church said that church had been almost two hours long that morning, close to an hour and 45 minutes. Everyone thinks that is too long for church but nobody wants to be mean about it or complain that church is too long. I thought it was just me but it’s not.

The woman who helped me with the flowers for outside the office stopped by the house to see how they were doing. They’re doing fine. I told her about the ferns I’d gotten and how when I looked it up later it said they’re supposed to do best in morning light. Right now where they’re at they get afternoon and mostly evening sun though they are always halfway shaded. She didn’t seem too worried about it and neither was I.

Camp had a blow-up movie screen on it’s Amazon wish list and somebody bought it. I was there when they were setting it up. It was actually quite funny because of how it was blowing around in the wind before it finally stood upright. They’re watching Beauty and the Beast down there but I didn’t want to watch it. They had to wait until it was darker outside first. I might go back down there though just to be there for a little while.

My intentional cleaning energies today were put toward working on the front of the house. I started in the morning when the kids were at school. There was a storage bench in front of the house that was old and cracking. Most of the stuff inside of it was also garbage. So I took a wagon and loaded it up and made a trip to the dumpster. Dad and Ethan helped with the bench and put it in the camp truck and threw it away.

I forgot the bigger kids get out of school early this week. Dad was busy getting things ready for staff training which started today and for the hog roast coming up over the weekend. He was going to take both of the kids as helpers but I said I really could use one. Before we headed over to pick up the boys my son came with me to pick out hanging ferns and some hooks to hang them with. He likes these kinds of things.

He hung them up when we got home, after they’d all gone down to main camp for lunch. They brought back a leftovers box with my name and a little heart drawn on it. I like that I never feel out of place with this cook. Later the kids helped with sorting through more of the outside bats, balls, and table things and weeding in the front of the house. We moved one of the other benches so now it’s in the place of the old one.

The kids are in their last week of school for the school year. The bigger kids have finals this week and the younger ones just have to endure going to school for another few days. I know it sounds crazy, but there really are things about homeschool that I miss. For a while the thought of doing it again just shut me down. Like I could not even imagine any picture in my head.

But lately I have thought again, “Well…maybe?” It would have to be different than we did it before though. I always had such an aversion to the Classical Conversations format. It was just not something I was ever drawn to and having five kids while doing it seemed like it would be way too much to have to keep track of. The nice thing about CC though is that each grade had a tutor.

They go one day a week, have all of their classes, and then come home with the week’s assigned homework. The only thing you have to do on top of it is math, plus whatever other personal electives you would choose to include on your own if you wanted. I have asked, “And this isn’t some unsustainable system that’s profiting and operating by overworking and stressing out moms?”

Apparently they have done their best to work those things out. Because I am definitely not going to be the one signing up for tutoring. The camp seems to have found someone for the summer who is able to help with the ordering and menu planning. He is a retired restaurant owner who is friends with someone on the camp board and was looking for something that he could still do.

I am planning on working some for money this summer. I don’t mind volunteering, but if I’m putting in the hours anyway, I might as well make some money for tuition. I haven’t felt the same strong pull toward summer house cleaning or home improvement projects. I mostly have just been trying to put intentional effort every day toward something. It helps but this is a big place.

I tried out half of an evening shift yesterday. It really has worked out well only having to work days. Day shift has a lot more going on. The gigantic morning med pass, the doctor visits and appointments, activities in the facility, and family members visiting. But I also like the sense of feeling supported by all of the other people present in the building. On evening shift there is one less nurse aide and the management goes home.

There was an incident that required me to stay longer. The nurse coming on after me was relatively new and this was her first time working the summer wing. I am amazed at all of these PRN nurses who who’ve got thirty-something years of hospital experience and then retire to come work here. She was able to walk me through some of the charting, and I was able to tell her whose pills are crushed and whose are whole.

So I’m not sure yet if I liked it. The only way to get comfortable with more of these things is to do them, but I do not like the learning curves, coming away from a shift without feeling at peace, or dealing with the fears of having not done something right. I used to work evening shift all the time and do not remember feeling so nervous about being alone. The main thing I remember fearing was someone coming in with a gun.

*(backlog)

Laura’s team played this morning in the semi-finals. Dad said I couldn’t watch because the game was happening during church. I didn’t make a fuss about it, but I had to control myself and wipe away tears. I texted and asked Laura’s mom if her husband was going to let her skip church to watch. She said she told him it was going to be very tempting to do so but that she would pray for strength. She’s a better a woman than I.

Their team ended up placing fourth overall. They had confirmation today during church. It really is sad anymore to watch confirmations, mostly just because it’s people you hardly even know. My first son’s class had something like 12 students. It wasn’t long before you weren’t seeing any of them afterwards. And on it goes down the line. It really can just make you want to feel indifferent to the whole thing and church in general.

But there was a prayer that came to mind when I was in the middle of thinking this. The prayer was, “Lord, I don’t understand this, but I am grateful for your mercy.” And I started feeling thankful, that thus far, God has kept my children in the faith. I don’t know how much I have given it much thought, but there are apparently those times before knowing when the Holy Spirit comes and directs our thoughts to better things.

The boys slept out in tents last night. They had a friend over also so it was two boys in one tent and two in another. I was really too tired to be too worried about it. I think I told them they had to put down a tarp. One of the tents is just a screen and doesn’t have a floor. The ticks are out and I really didn’t want them sleeping on the bare ground.

They found an old piece of carpet that we’d kept when they changed out the sanctuary carpet in Hoyleton. I would’ve never thought to use that but it ended up working out. I went to bed while everyone was still up. I fell asleep to the sound of the living room rumble, the boys playing RISK on the living room floor. Then Miles was in there.

Dad stayed up to visit longer. He came in later and I woke up briefly to the sound and light of the closet door opening, to the keys and wallet being placed on the dresser. I woke up briefly in the early morning for a drink of water, and let in a cat. I opened upstairs windows, stopped by the bathroom, then went back to sleep. I woke again at 8:19.

Poor Casper has seen better days in his life. I had to take a break from him about a week or so ago, maybe a little more. It seems like every time he’s basically better again there’s some other new issue, another wound that’s appeared. He did finally get in for his appointment earlier this week. When he came back they’d shaved off probably 1/6th of his fur around the back part of his body. They cleaned the wound that had dried up.

It was time for me to get a new email address. The one I had with LCU is the one I kept as my uncluttered inbox. The other one I have is too far gone, plus I just want something simpler. I did finally get my transcript situation taken care of and had to send some emails to get the ball rolling again with the UIS admission process. They other guy from LCU ended up deciding to go somewhere else because he thought UIS had taken too long with their process. It’ll be nice to have the situation figured out and settled.

I heard from the Minnesota trip. They’d gone to the Mall of America and visited the LEGO store. LEGOS are one of those things that I have no idea what to do with all of them now, but they sure were great for keeping the boys busy for years. And I mean years. We walked down to the lake this evening where a couple of kids were swimming. The gnats got bad so we walked back up. Dad, the boys, and I ordered Rico’s for supper.

Everyone went to school today. Josh took the kids this morning and Elianna left earlier to ride with the family of a teammate who was competing today at girls’ state. She through around 11 and was done by 11:15. She was originally ranked 25th and ended up placing 14th, so that was nice. I picked up the boys and then went back at 3:30 to pick up my other son from the bus. I don’t like saying their names here.

Miles’ mom and I spent some time this morning talking again about the meet. She texted me and Ethan a link to the videos. He watches all the videos after the fact and then talks about them with Miles. During the meets that I was there it would be she and I in the top of the bleachers with our phones. She would record the race and I would Facetime it. The times finally came out this morning and Miles had actually gotten fifth in the 400 and PR’d. We had just finished talking about how rough it had been.

Even his dad had gotten teary-eyed after it, and said he thought maybe he’d just lost some of his conditioning since he hadn’t been running over the past couple of weeks. He told Ethan he’d given up about halfway through. They switched up the sectionals again this year and this one seemed to be a little more competitive. We’re used to seeing Miles, with his trademark move where he flies around the curve. He says he runs the first part, and then when he gets to the 200M he sprints. He won a lot.

Josh left later to pick up my mother-in-law from the airport. She was delayed a few hours because of storms. He ended up having to wait a little longer than expected. So I left the boys here when I left to meet some moms for supper. Our kids are on a trip to somewhere up in Minnesota. Laura is on her college’s spikeball team and they are playing this weekend in the national tournament. There is another friend and team member’s parents who are hosting them as well as feeding them several meals.

Today they went to a Twins game. It’s funny to hear us joke about how we seemingly all have to dance around with the communication. The two boy moms had actually been the ones whose kids had made the most contact via pictures or text. It can really hurt moms when they don’t hear from their kids. But each of us is different and we all have adjusted and accepted the way of things in our own ways. We said a prayer.

Track is officially over for the season. The boys had their sectional last night in Rushville. Josh and the kids met me in town after work. My car was on empty so before I met up with them I went to get gas. I knew it’d be a late night and didn’t really want to have to mess with an empty gas tank once we came back into town. Most of the gas stations around here don’t even stay open all night anymore.

Judah did well. He PR’d in his race even if he was still disappointed. Athletes can be very hard on themselves. They probably are the hardest on themselves out of everyone. I still think just to get out there and run is something something worth being proud of yourself for. Miles was disappointed too. The 4×1 didn’t end up qualifying for state. He was ranked third in the 400 and ended up 6th or 7th. His ankle has been bothering him since after-prom when he hurt it after jumping wrong somehow on the trampolines.

The 4×4 team didn’t really think they’d make it to state but they were hoping to at least PR. For whatever reason an IHSA sectional meet was not providing live updates anywhere online. From the unofficial parent timers it looks like they beat their PR by around 5 seconds. I think they ended up happy. That’s the thing with sports, the highs are so incredibly fun, the lows not so much, and everything a win.