The outside temps today turned the snow into slush. It’s been a colder and snowier winter here, though it seems we’re breaking out of the latest weeks long cold streak. I find winter to be more and more charming as time goes on, so long as the basic comforts and needs of life remain intact. One thing that’s been nice about this year’s winter is that in spite of the cold, the sun has still shined with plenty of blue sky. I will take sunshine and single digits over milder temps with months of grey blah any day.

It’s been a rougher past few days, but today was better. Better days are when I can think about other things besides my symptoms. Rougher days are days when I don’t feel normal, spending more time in bed trying to cope with what feels like the debilitating gripping discomfort of my anxiety. The chiropractor I’ve been going to says not to call it “my anxiety”, as if it’s something I want to keep or own. It’s not, and this morning I cried by the open screen door begging God to take this away from me.

I take a pill the size of a split pea and it all goes away. Thankfully my regular doctor renewed the prescription for me, though he doesn’t see it as a long term solution, nor do I. The chiropractor is treating “zone three” for nerves, along with giving me a paper of suggested foods for stable blood sugar, and a book that I’ve been reading that’s supposed to deal with the spiritual, mental, and emotional side of things. He says M.E.N. are the cause of all stress, so he treats Mechanical, Emotional, Nutritional.

He said I’m supposed to be identifying stressors, which I’ve already been thinking about. I’ve had so much time to rest these past several weeks, and am realizing truly how difficult it is for me to “Be still”. I told God I don’t want to waste these days fretting and striving, constantly searching for a cause, cure, or reason, but that’s been easier said than done at times. It stresses me out when I don’t have answers. May we wait with wonder at the feet of Jesus, where there is nothing to fight, and nothing to run from.