This afternoon I took a drive to find the school where I start on Monday. I wanted to have an idea of where I was going, and to find the building for my class while it was still light outside and I could better see the signs on the buildings. The in-person class I have is a night class that goes from 6:30PM-10. By the time I would get there on Monday it’d already be dark. This way I found the building and know where to park and to go.
On the way home I listened to a podcast by a woman about New Year’s Resolutions. She doesn’t believe in resolutions, but believes in setting an intention for the new year through the choosing of a word. Instead of choosing your intention from a place of shame or lack, such as “I want to be more organized”, she encouraged you to imagine what you want to feel more of, and choose from there. She chose the word “effective”.
I wasn’t going to choose a word this year, but after listening to the podcast, if I were to choose one, I decided on the word “secure”. I’m going into this year feeling more at peace and secure in my life. For example, with these classes starting, I’m feeling confident that I can do this, that I do not have to do school the same ways I’ve done it, which included a lot of procrastination and pulling things together at the last minute.
Driving there today was a way of being kind to myself. “Hey Rebekah, let’s take you there so you know even a little more what to expect. Let’s cut down on the stress of driving around in the dark beforehand and being late on the first day because you didn’t know where you were going. Let’s make that extra effort now that will make things easier for you later.” I feel more secure now that I have been there once.
I want to feel more secure in my intimate relationship. We know each other now. There are no secrets between us, no major surprises to be discovered about the other. I’m not trying to impress him and he no longer needs to impress me. That doesn’t mean we have a pass to be complacent and lazy. We have significant growth from last year which we can continue to build on. From this place I would like to write more about marriage.