Mixed

The neon stage of the spring grass came and went without me noticing. I guess I’ve been preoccupied with the rhythms and daily windows of life. Due to rain, the kids have yet to have a track meet. We’re going on the fourth cancellation of a baseball game, which means they’ve cancelled more games then they’ve played so far. The kids don’t seem to mind too much, and I don’t either. They still keep busy with their after school practices and come home with sometimes hours of homework. This is one of those things in life that never made sense to me. If you’re already at school for 7-8 hours each day, why isn’t that enough time to teach or learn everything that needs to get done?

My sister-in-law, a Lutheran school teacher and assistant principal, says it’s more about giving students the opportunities to practice. If they can learn something once in class, and then go home and practice it again in a different setting, it helps cement the concept or skill in the student’s memory. When she puts it that way I can better understand, though it still doesn’t change this awareness I have of feeling like I’m rarely seeing my kids. Tonight, minus the younger boys, we’ll all be at the high school for a trivia night. This is counting as one of our twice-a-month date nights we started this year. For one we go with just ourselves, and for the other we try to meet up with a couple.

I had another counselor appointment this week, these continuing to be a joy and blessing. I told her I often feel like a chaotic wind blowing into her office, disrupting the peace, calm, and serenity with no intention and no direction. We end up laughing a lot as she ends up mirroring my emotions. I like being able to ask her about school, knowing I can name the assignments without even having to explain what I mean when I say “the 4-R paper”. I told her when we started that I didn’t see this being so much of a time for anymore figuring out what’s wrong with me. Instead I saw it more as a time for building back, for helping me to become myself again. I feel like these goals are being met.

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