Seek

“But the word of God increased and multiplied.”
~Acts 12:24~

God forgives us of many things, but I honestly don’t know sometimes. Some flaws I perceive but do not know if they are worth my confessing, if they count as assaults to my Lord and Creator. Sometimes I feel guilty that I can so enjoy the world he’s made, and yet I pay him no credence. I give him no glory, at least not with my lips. I attribute my pleasure and my joy to a breeze that passes, to a mood that blows in. I can believe all the day long, and yet, I sense more and more, to my shame, in the cavernous way of my failures and faults, my belief does not go far enough.

I know God can handle laments, our wrestling, angers and sins. But can he handle adoration? My worship and praise? Could I handle it passing from my heart to my lips without the holy words burning every secret inner chamber? The angel in Revelation, in chapter 14, flies overhead like all on earth are supposed to listen saying, “Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgement has come, and worship him who made heaven and earth, the sea and the springs of water.” In Acts chapter 12, Herod is put to death by an angel–why? “Because he did not give God the glory.”

How do I say that if I could kiss God I would? Who do you dance for when there are no eyes? Would they all walk away, or would they leave me, uncovered? If I lifted my voice, my hands to heaven, would you laugh? I know the devil doesn’t like it, but he has lied to me before. “Seek first”, you once told us, “and all these things…” With me I want nothing that isn’t true, good, and lovely, but with you, you take it all, upon the tree for loving’s sake. And again you show yourself, Jesus, born of woman, for every man. In your goodness, your every kindness, you remember us both.

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