The kids had their first track meet today. Two previously scheduled ones had been cancelled due to weather and this one was scheduled in attempt to make on of them up. It was colder than I was expecting but I had brought water, snacks, and two blankets. Josh had a meeting this afternoon and wasn’t able to make it until midway through the meet. I met up with his mom and the boys who had gone over to her house this afternoon after school to watch the Cardinals home opener.

I accidently drove to PORTA high school instead of Athens. The kicker is that you have to drive right through Athens in order to do that. Several of the track and cross country meets are at PORTA, which is only 10 more minutes away. I’ve never actually been to Athens for a meet because it was one of the many I’ve missed. Why my brain did not alert me sooner that I’d gone to the wrong place, I don’t know. How I do these things so fairly often, I don’t know either. I really wonder sometimes.

Earlier during the day I’d spent some time writing prayers. I rotate through the same themes pretty frequently. I have felt the urge lately to just come out and say, “Look, I’m depressed, it always gets this way now, we’re just going to have to deal with it and it’s going to be the way it is.” I think I might have actually said it but sometimes I just don’t know. Today one of my prayers was asking the Lord to help me continue to function and to keep making progress. I guess I just meant in normal life.

I also prayed about the meets. I get very severe health anxiety when it comes to them running. It is not for completely unwarranted reasons, as things have happened here and there at various times that have given me cause for concern in past and present. At some point it is just all out of my hands. The fear and the worry can be such a hard cross, and I don’t know at times why this has to be something so strong in me. I would love to just sit back and relax and be a normal person and enjoy.

Tomorrow I’m scheduled to go into work for a couple of hours. They had a shorter, three hour afternoon opening that I signed up for. I’m feeling better after being away though I do still have a lingering sadness, and I wouldn’t even say it’s about anything specific. Life just effects me. One of the boys is currently needing help with math homework so I need to wrap it up here and focus. One day at a time is all I can do most days and it’s enough as God is true to give us strength for each one.