There is a meet in Beardstown tonight that won’t get over till late. It doesn’t feel like I have energy right now for another one, and I know we don’t have to go. There’s a bigger one on Friday that I’ve already taken off some of work for. The one on Thursday I said I was going to have to miss. You hate to say anything to these coaches who are more or less volunteering their time that the schedule they’re putting out is too much. I honestly don’t understand how people have the energy for this.

I was at Thrive again this morning and the people there are doing better. The one finally got back to a place of 10 days sober which took another trip the emergency room to get there. Realistically I can’t see how I could add a fourth day of doing the counseling work. When I do not get the recovery time it feels like too much to be with this many people. I know things can change and have been changing. I still don’t understand why I feel like this even when I am seemingly not doing very much.

I was thinking during a session that you really have to be mentally astute to be a counselor. It was kind of affirming to realize that. I do pray every day that God would help me to be keen. When I do remember the place where I was at several years ago it does seem unfathomable that I can even do this much. So I really do have to remember that.