It’s been a long weekend of travel and confirmation parties. Yesterday we drove to St. Louis for my nieces confirmation party at my sister-in-law’s house. It was one of those things that we definitely needed to be there for. It was a nice time and we stayed for a while after everyone had left. This morning my son had a church visit assignment so he and I went to major megachurch in town. It really is an enormous church. The pastor preached on patience and how God develops it in us.

After that we came and waited for the others to be home as well. I stayed in bed until it was time to go to another party which we also would not have missed. We didn’t plan to stay too long but the boys got playing and the two of us got talking to various people at the party. One was a pastor’s wife who I used to be friends with. I have nothing against her now but our lives kind of took different turns when I was sick and no longer had the ability to hang out. It took too long to get better.

Once we came home I spent most of the day in bed resting. I’ve been thinking a lot about Thrive and whether or not I am meant to work there. During the meeting last week the action step for me was to write a bio and a more detailed website explanation. It’s taking a long time to write because I don’t even know myself all that I am wanting to do with this. I think the worst part is being afraid of putting myself out there and risking failure. I really would just have to have no strings attached.

I don’t know if I have ever gone this far into a desire that has required something more of me. At least in this way. I am having to grow toward something that is unclear in my mind. I am also being forced to actualize my ideas into a seeable place which requires me to apply myself in a way I’m not used to because it moves me beyond the “could be” point into actual risk. I could’ve been a piano player. I could’ve been a better runner in high school. I could’ve been more developed in writing.

Well anyway I feel like I at least need to try and do that. If it doesn’t work out it doesn’t work out and I will know at least that I followed through and didn’t leave it as one of those incomplete things.