Two things occasionally come back to bother me about last year. The first is that most people do not have an understanding or awareness of how awful it was. The second is that I can’t seem to talk about it without sounding like a crazy person.
So I’m sitting with these two things for a minute. I’m not afraid of looking like a crazy person if that’s what it takes to communicate with you. But I’m also retiring the outgrowing desire to be heard and understood that drives me to insanity.
I actually do have control over myself. And in this way, more affinity for smiles, for peace, for hugs and letting go of the past. Remaining contained, composing, being known in the quiet feels better to me than any amount of losing control ever did.
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Rebekah, I’m sorry. I do not recall what happened last year. The other day I went back through some of your older posts and could not figure it out. But…I don’t necessarily need to know specifics because God knows all. I can still pray on your behalf. Hugs.
Andi, thank you for your care and concern. My health was not good last year and I also had to walk through some hard personal things. Some things I do write more generally about because other people are involved besides me. In those cases I try to respect privacy but also be true to my own experience and story. You are absolutely right that God knows all. Coming back to that truth is what did and continues to bring me so much comfort. I’m thankful you know that comfort too, as it is a wonderful thing to be known by him. I pray you continue to find that comfort in your life.